SmashMouth

A strapping young farmer’s truck broke while he was in town picking up supplies. The shop said they need to keep the truck overnight. He didn't live far and was debating just walking home. But he had bought a bucket and a gallon of paint at the hardware store and a a couple of chickens and a goose at the feed store. While he was scratching his head a little old lady walked up and said she was lost. As it turns out she was trying to get to farm next to his. "You could walk with me as it’s only about 10 minutes away but I bought more than I can carry" The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Lets take a short cut down this alley. We'll save a few minutes.’ The little old lady looked over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely old widow without a husband to defend me ... 'How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull my skirt, and have your way with me?' The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the hell could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'

Yeah. My wife is already on that last nerve. She usually does most of the arse whippin up in here.

Either that or a lot more dirty socks...

Good lord save me. I almost "liked" this post til I realized who posted it. But maybe there IS hope after all. Maybe we CAN all get a long. Maybe one day the left and the right will all just agree to disagree but still work together toward the common good (enter Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neil), maybe when Trump does something genuinely good, Nancy Pelosi will recognize what a great job he did, and maybe - just maybe - Hillary will FINALLY go to prison! Nahhhh - it'll never work... (Btw, CB - good post...)

I smell a friendly wager...

I gotta get out more. The “mammary gland” reference kinda got my wheels turning.

It’s not a hoax. It’s a gross overreaction. And for that reason, Trump, being the businessman he is, is going to figure out how to keep us all afloat, so your kind can figure out how to forgive the student loan debt, Give free healthcare, cell phones, internet, housing, etc. to able-bodied people who refuse to work. You should thank him.

There’s a difference. I pay in many many many thousands each year, because I’m willing to work for it, and not accept the fact that I can choose to do nothing and let the left wing-nuts keep me down by buying my vote with just enough to survive. I will give mine to my newly pregnant daughter and her husband to help with the birth cost. But those truck tires sound pretty good too... 🤭

I’d like to see one more debate, so they can both show the world one more time how BOTH democratic hopefuls are neither.

Yes. Just like the flu or a car accident.

Right. Let’s say only 1 person got small cox. Let’s say he died because of it. That’s 100% kill rate, but it’s still just 1 death. (Of course, we all know lots of people have small cox.)

770,000 deaths from AIDS in 2018. 40 million deaths in total. Hasn’t stopped anyone from doing the old in/out...

As soon as testing begins, the top number will become MUCH higher for the Wuhan virus. Regardless, what do these stats mean in regards to anything? BOTH sides are spewing BS. No matter who the president is during an event like this, folks are gonna die. It’s our goofy social media / PC society that has driven the frenzy to extremes. Trump is doing just fine. He didn’t start this virus, neither did the DNC. Talk to Mama Nature if you want to point a finger. I’m gonna wash my hands, cover my cough and stay away from people if I get sick...just like I always did. The good Lord willing, I’ll be able to get some TP before too long. I don’t really care much about hand sanitizer or antibacterial soap, so that’s not a big deal to me. The overuse of those items has weakened the immunities of the human race in my opinion. I could be wrong, but that’s how I see it. Went out to eat last night at an Asian (Viet Namese) restaurant. Neither Mass hysteria / self inflicted fear nor COVID-19 are gonna take that away from me. Probably go out (dine in - not take out) and have Mexican food tonight. Cuz that’s what I want. Everybody quit pissing and moaning and pointing fingers and do your part. Wash your hands, cover your cough and be sensitive of Paw and Maw’s possible frailty. Good grief. What are we doing to ourselves.

Mr. & Mrs. Strange’s little boy. 😎

Excuse me, did someone say my name? 😎

It’s not a big deal. It’s an election year. The liberal press, left wing socialist radicals (you, for instance) and every other ra-tard pushing this vile crap are exploiting this to the point of ruining our economy in order to gather favor with younger uninformed voters and non-thinkers who are easily led by fantasy (you, for instance). Trump is throwing the proverbial dog a bone to calm the barking. Sometimes you gotta play the game. Read “Art of the Deal” Rover.

In Lumberton, beginning Immediately, no more extra-curricular activities. Can’t eat lunch with your child or even bring him lunch to the school. But what is this really accomplishing. Does ANYBODY even remotely agree with this? Please explain, so I can understand.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Well, it actually got cancelled the evening before. They never got on the road. Still a huge disappointment.

Still a GROSS overreaction at this point. Why do they cancel an outdoor baseball game that may attract less than 100 people including players, coaches and fans AND it’s played outside, but they’ll keep 1200+ kids locked up in the school all day breathing the same air. Frickin idiots.

Pretty eye-opening stuff.

I hope it all works out for you.

More silliness.

I’ve heard. Kinda hard to understand. Especially in Louisiana. You can get married at age 12, but a mixed drink in the drive thru and publicly hunt in the capitol downtown...and they’re closing down the schools and it’s not even Mardi Gras!

I really don’t think so. I think “we” have done this to ourselves. We have instant access to all media. Facebook gives us all, no matter how smart, educated or the lack of both we possess, the opportunity to bitch and piss and moan about the inequities of life. And sometimes, when we are lucky, we get to have an event that really gets our juices flowing. This time, we call it COVID-19. We used to call it the Wuhan Virus, but that made it sound like Asians caused it. Wouldn’t want to upset a specific class of people. If we had named it “White American Male” it probably would have been ok, but I digress. So we are all getting sick, we are all gonna die. I’ve got the solution! Let’s go buy dry beans and every bit of asswipe we can lay our hands on! After all, if all we can eat is pintos & dried fruit for a while... we better really stock up on the asswipe!!! WE, US, OURSELVES...That’s who we have to blame. If you’re sick, stay home. If you’re elderly, stay away from places where you could get sick. Wash your hands. Cover your sneezes and coughs. But leave the pallet of Aquafina and Charmin alone. Leave the kids counting on auctioning their livestock for college money alone. Leave our FRIGGIN STOCK MARKET AND MY RETIREMENT ALONE!!! But we can’t. We won’t. I bet it gets so bad that they close the casinos. Good lord what then...