Player Burnout

[tpriddy]

How much is too much?

While most of us hope one day that our daughters can one day play at the college level and be successful, when is it enough?

After my daughter has played select softball for approx 4 years and talking to many people in the softball community I have come to find out that most of the Gold or high level coaches own daughters either A. Chose not to play softball in college or B. Started playing at the college level and decided they have had enough softball. Then there is C. Didn't even finish playing High School or Gold Level softball because of burnout.

So how often and how hard should we work them out?

We can have dreams for them, but if it is not their dream will it ever happen?

Sometimes I think there is so much drama, anxiety and emotion amongst parents in select softball world it turns the girls off and it is no longer fun for them. It almost seems as if the kids are working a job for their parents.

My daughter says she wants it and works hard for it, I'm just afraid she will end up being a casulty of burn out.

Let me preference this, she has never once said she is tired of playing or doesnt like playing anymore. 

[CraigS]

[quote name="tpriddy" post="1391465" timestamp="1365130750"]
How much is too much?

While most of us hope one day that our daughters can one day play at the college level and be successful, when is it enough?

After my daughter has played select softball for approx 4 years and talking to many people in the softball community I have come to find out that most of the Gold or high level coaches own daughters either A. Chose not to play softball in college or B. Started playing at the college level and decided they have had enough softball. Then there is C. Didn't even finish playing High School or Gold Level softball because of burnout.

So how often and how hard should we work them out?

We can have dreams for them, but if it is not their dream will it ever happen?

Sometimes I think there is so much drama, anxiety and emotion amongst parents in select softball world it turns the girls off and it is no longer fun for them. It almost seems as if the kids are working a job for their parents.

My daughter says she wants it and works hard for it, I'm just afraid she will end up being a casulty of burn out.

Let me preference this, she has never once said she is tired of playing or doesnt like playing anymore.
[/quote]

First: To each their own. Every kid is different and should be handled accordingly. It is very important (as it is in any other situation dealing with kids) for parents and coaches to communicate with their "athletes". Talk with them about their dreams and desires, make it very clear, you only do what you do, to help them be successful in reaching THEIR goals.

Second: Even if a kid is very clear about THEIR goal of playing a sport at the college level, they can still get "burn out" on something they do truly love. Take fishing, golf, hunting....we (Dads) may be obsessed with these things, but if you were a guide or pro and HAD to choose only ONE, and had to do it every day rain, snow, sleet, or shine, some of the fun factor would start to fade....its no different for these kids.

Third: Multi-sport athletes (and this has be beat to death on this site) kids may learn somewhere down the line that they enjoy another sport more or that they are actually better at something else, or the better opportunity is in another sport. With that said, it may take until a kids Jr year to decide that....until then, let them play other sports in school.

ANSWER: COMMUNICATION AND BALANCE, it very important to maintain an open door policy for you kid to be open and honest about how they feel with you as a parent and with their coaches. Kids who participate at a "select/club" level, be it softball, volleyball, basketball, etc spend an enormous amount of time practicing and/or playing their sport. They miss out on many things that non select kids get to experience (birthday parties, sleep overs, "normal" family vacations, etc). As in anything, the devil is in the details.

[DAWGMOM54]

Softball Tips - Downtime is Necessary
Guest post by Ken Krause, Life in the Fastpitch Lane blog

I am a big believer in taking some downtime after the season to just unwind, relax, and heal both physically and mentally. While that might seem like heretical to some people, it really is important. Even Marc Dagenais says so.

Some people don't like the idea of shutting down for a while. They're afraid their players/daughters will lose all the gains they've made, or will fall behind the others if they take even a couple of weeks off. Poppycock! (How often do you get to use THAT word in a sentence these days?)

The softball season can be a long grind, especially for high school-age players, many of whom start in March with tryouts for school and don't finish until the end of July/beginning of August. That's five months of softball practice or games nearly every day, including a summer filled with tournaments.

No matter how much you love the game, that type of schedule can become mind-numbing after a while. To jump from there immediately into prep for the next season, when you'll do it all over again, really isn't good for anyone.

It's really part of our whole human cycle. We need breaks on a regular basis to recharge both the body and the spirit. That's what sleep is all about.

How many times have you had a bad day, or been puzzled by a serious issue that you can't solve? We all experience it. And how many times, after a good night's sleep, do we find rejuvenation in a new day or a solution that pops into our brains? It happens all the time.

That's what that little quiet period of separation does. Taking time off after the season does the same thing, only over a longer time period. Nagging injuries, such as sore arms, heel spurs, tired muscles, etc. get a chance to rest and rebuild without the stress of constant use.

More importantly, the brain gets a chance to rest and think about other things — sort of like clearing the palate after a course in a fancy restaurant. As good as that course was you want to be sure you're prepared for the next.

Will you (or your daughter) miss it? Ache for it? Maybe. But even that's good. The enforced time off will rebuild the enthusiasm that can get lost in a long season, which means that when you do resume workouts sometime in September it will be with more energy and a fresh start.

Will your softball conditioning go down? Sure. But that's ok, you have a long time before you need it to be at peak efficiency. Besides, maybe the break will give you time to look into some new workouts instead of going right back to the old ones.

A key principle of weight lifting and conditioning is changing things up on a regular basis because once the body gets used to a workout its benefits diminish. You'll have time to find some fresh approaches to keep it interesting and keep the body and mind moving forward.

So kick back, relax, and just chill for a while. It may be tough after being in softball mode for so long. But ultimately both your body and your mind will thank you for the break.

Anyway, that's the way I see it.

[setx99]

For us, we sit down with the girls and ask them if they want to make the commitment.  I have explained to them that while I love the sport, it is not about me, it is about what they want to do.  I try to give them an out without them feeling guilty or as if they have disappointed us.  We also set a limit on the amount of sports they can play.  IMO if they were playing softball, then volleyball, basketball, soccer, track, and then cheerleading, it seems they would experience sports burn out. 

As far as  parent intensity, we experienced volleyball and track for the first time this year and I was surprised at the intensity of the parents in these sports and this was just middle school stuff, not select.  So I can imagine what other select sports must be like.  It made me feel better about how I get at the softball tourneys.  I think all sports are intense and parents are going to react.

As far as college, the girls know they are going to college regardless if they get a softball scholarship.  We are looking academic first, then sports.  Would I love for a full ride to a D1 school, absolutely, but I have had to let that go and allow them to choose where they would like to go.  I think we get caught up in all the college scholarsip intensity and forget that not everyone is going to receive a sports scholarship. 

And lastly, we have just gotten creative about how the girls can have somewhat of a normal life and still play a select sport.

[CARSDAD]

Playing for 4 year's, she hasn't had the time to become burnt out yet.  But downtime is needed at any age level.  A lot of times when parent's become concerned of there child getting burned out, it's actually the parent who is burning out.  It takes a big toll on the parents as well.

[Fracc]

My daughter has been playing softball for 10 years now, 7 of those in travel ball. 

Once you understand that your child wants to play, here are my tips on how to avoid burn-out.  It is not 100% perfect but I can back this up from experience. 

1. At a young age - play for fun and a snow cone win or lose.  Cheer for both teams.  Parents are later embarrassed by their behavior during games years down the road realizing they treated their girls like gladiators in a life or death struggle.  If you are not one of those, I would like to meet you and take a picture because one has not existed in recorded history to date.
2. Starting out in travel ball - play for trophies and medals.  Travel, but not too much...two tournaments per month with practice once or twice per week is about right.  I have seen more lead to burn-out of both players and parents (including their wallets).  Focus on keeping it fun.  Laugh at your losses and celebrate when you win.  Stay in hotels and nearly get thrown out for being in the pool or hot tub after 10 pm.  Enjoy the team dinners as parents and players.  Coaches need to keep practices fresh with different drills.  Water balloon or silly string fights or playing in the puddles if a tournament gets rained out go a long way.
3. Avoid negative talk.  You will turn your kid off if they hear you complain about playing time, pitching time (the worst source IMO), the quality of the coaching, the performance of a teammate, etc.  They look up to you and your opinions will affect their attitude and ultimately their performance on the field.  If you don't turn your kid off, the negativity they absorb will be something her future coaches will find unappealing down the road.
4. Put in the work.  If your kid doesn't want to go or you won't get them to practice that is a sure sign you don't want to be there.  Use the logic of fulfilling your/her commitment for the rest of the season in either case to address short term frustration, laziness or dealing with the unpleasantries of life.  Work together as parents to help kids get to practice or tournaments. 
5 Find success.  Few kids will be happy if they don't experience success, as a team first and personally second.  This is a slippery slope as team jumping rarely benefits the kid.  Shared success builds friendship throughout life and finding a group of kids that is equally committed will eventually yield success if they work together.  Success will usually motivate your child to work harder without your help.
6. Find balance.  There will be time that family obligations or school commitments require you to miss practice or a tournament...that is why teams carry more than 9 players.  Family first, softball second.  Communicate with the coach well in advance so he/she can make arrangements.  Most events that are legitimately worth beaking your commitment are known in advance and emergencies will always be understood.  If you are using other events to skip practice or games then you are already burned out.
7. Handle failure and feedback with care.  Your child will experience failure.  They make more outs than they get hits.  They know they did something (if not exactly what) wrong and they sure don't need you yelling through the fence or counseling them in the car after the game.  They want your approval and support, not your criticism.  They are still children.  This goes for coaches as well.
8. Support them in chasing their dream.  Take them to college softball camps or showcases if they think they want to play at the next level.  Pay for the batting or pitching lessons.  Do it with no complaints and a smile on your face.

Enjoy it.  It all goes by too fast.

[tpriddy]

I'm not concerned about her being burnt out already. I'm wanting to actually push her harder, but I dont want to push so hard that i burn her out. That is why I started with "How much is too much?".

I will have time to burn out after my youngest of three is out of the house. Two out of three kids playing 4 different select sports, who has time to be burnt out. I just believe my oldest which is the softball player has the potential to be a really good softball player and I want to push her harder to help her reach her full potential, but I dont want to do if it will cause resentment and burn her out.

Me and my wife constantly talk and communicate with her, no problems there, but sometimes KIDS say what they think thier parents want to hear as well.

Craig asked a question at practice one time to the team one time that has always stuck with her. He asked the team to think about it and give an honest answer "What do they love to do? Is it hang with friends, go to the mall, play soccer etc,etc."  so she thought about it and she answered that "she loves to play softball" so then he proceded to tell them "If it is softball that you love to do then don't ever complain to your parents about missing out on something, because you are already doing what you love to do and you are not missing out on anything." Since that day she has never complained about missing out on something.

I know life happens and it may bring her somewhere else, but right now in the current  I want to know, How hard is too hard?

We allow her a ton of down time to be a kid. But, is it pushing to hard to make her go hit outside off the tee everyday for an hour? or is it something you suggest to her? or is something she has to just decide on her own to go out and do it? I also know there is no one right answer too.

[Fracc]

Reality in college is daily work-outs and daily practice every day they can legally do it and games every week/weekend when the season is underway.  If your daughter is older and ready to start considering college then daily work-outs and more frequent playing should not be a burn-out situation as long as she wants to try to play at the next level.  You can see the difference when attending camps of kids who work nearly every day and those who don't.  I would not wait past the start of her freshman year to start attending camps.  Like it or not, big schools commit between 8th grade and end of Sophmore year.  If you live in a small town and don't play for one of the more recognized organizations around Houston or Dallas you have to go get seen in addition to playing travel ball.  There is a little more time if your daughter's aspirations are smaller D1 or D2/D3/JC/NAIA.

By example, my daughter hit 5 college camps while playing a full travel schedule with twice weekly practices this past summer and did not take a weekend off between labor day and Thanksgiving.  She was off for the month of August except for a few try-outs / practices and she was off from Thanksgiving until start of high school ball except for two winter camps.  She takes formal batting lessons 60-90 minutes once per week and since she is of driving age she doesn't need me to go but always gives me an excited "c'mon dad" so that I'll go with her and she gets there 20 minutes early without fail.  Obviously is what she wants so therefore no burn-out.  She is already verbally committed and she is working even harder knowing that signing must still take place and the competition for playing time will be higher when she gets to college.

[Fracc]

I would also add at some point in time your daughter will reach the point that she won't or can't get anything more out of working with you.  Eventually she reaches the skill level you can get her to or all she hears is blah-blah-blah-blah or both.  It happens to the best of us.  That is why there are pitching coaches and hitting instructors who do it full time as well as opportunities for extra work with travel ball coaches who I don't ever see turn down helping a player who asks for it.  The professional instructor will also help your daughter become more coachable.

[MBB2]

Here is our experience...

Daughter started at 4 and played league ball during the spring summer until she was 10, then starting playing year round in Houston.  We logged miles and miles taking her to Florida, Colorado and everywhere in between.  She grew to resent the missed parties, sleepovers and dances. She made first team all district as a sophomore at West Brook and decided that was it. She wanted to have a social life.

A year later, with my wife and I both supporting her decision (and hiding our disappointment much as possible), she came to us and talked about getting back into softball. She came to realize the life she thought she would have never really materialized. Because it was her decision, the door was still open in her mind.

The bad news is she missed a very important recruiting year.  The good news is all she wanted was a small college that allowed her to be a student first.  She found that with the help of her travel team coach and is now heading off to Central Methodist in Missouri this fall on a softball scholarship.  They are a competitive, ranked program that made the NAIA World Series last year. Players are expected to attend classes, even if that means running across campus in their uniforms between games.  Best of all, CMU streams their games on the internet so fewer travel miles for us!

None of this would have happened if we had forced the issue- much as we wanted to do just that. You just never know, but as the song says"if you love them set them free."

Best wishes however it works out.