This Board Needs....

[Hagar]

Big fan of The Equalizer and all those Fallen movies (Olympus, London, Angel).  Almost forgot, The Accountant.

The prequel to Lonesome Dove, Dead Man’s Walk.   Rarely on, but if you liked LD, you’ll almost surely like DMW.

[NetCat]

1 hour ago, Hagar said:

Big fan of The Equalizer and all those Fallen movies (Olympus, London, Angel).  Almost forgot, The Accountant.

The prequel to Lonesome Dove, Dead Man’s Walk.   Rarely on, but if you liked LD, you’ll almost surely like DMW.

What's the name of the one with Kostner and Duvall in it? Never can remember the name but it's a good one. 

[Hagar]

1 hour ago, NetCat said:

What's the name of the one with Kostner and Duvall in it? Never can remember the name but it's a good one. 

Open Range, and yep, a good one.

[baddog]

Board needs some humor....

 

 

[Englebert]

I was reading about the judge still not dismissing the Michael Flynn case because Flynn pleaded guilty to lying...twice, and this oldie came to mind:

Farmer Angus 

A farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot lawyer was questioning Angus. "Didn't you say to the policeman at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"asked the lawyer. 

Angus responded: "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..." 

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" 

Angus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." 

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the lawyer: "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".

Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' Now just what would you have said"? 

 

[SmashMouth]

When I was getting my prostate exam the other day, I asked the doctor, “Where should I put my pants?”

”Over there beside mine” isn’t the answer I was expecting...

[WOSdrummer99]

Friend just posted a pic. Sitting in a fast food bathroom, only 2 squares of TP... 

The mask took 1 for the team.

[WOSdrummer99]

When you flip a light switch...

Drop a dolla in the swear jar.

[Hagar]

1 hour ago, WOSdrummer99 said:

When you flip a light switch...

Drop a dolla in the swear jar.

While getting ready to leave this morning, I went into one closet about 4 times getting stuff.  I turned that switch on every time.  Dumb!  😂

[baddog]

My wife and I were discussing getting a puppy. She wanted one, I didn’t. So, we compromised and got a puppy. 

[baddog]

Why are NFL players wearing the names of robbers and racists on their jerseys and helmets? They are already wearing them on the back of their jersey. 

[SmashMouth]

15 hours ago, baddog said:

Why are NFL players wearing the names of robbers and racists on their jerseys and helmets? They are already wearing them on the back of their jersey. 

That’s freakin funny. 

[SmashMouth]

15 hours ago, baddog said:

My wife and I were discussing getting a puppy. She wanted one, I didn’t. So, we compromised and got a puppy. 

Sounds like my house. Lol. I don’t even know the names of em all anymore between the revolving door of cats and dogs!

[baddog]

7 minutes ago, SmashMouth said:

That’s freakin funny. 

That’s supposed to read rapists, nor racists, even though that is probably true too. 

[Hagar]

Here’s a riddle for you.

A man without eyes saw plums on a tree, he neither took plums nor left plums so how could this be.

Never had anyone answer it correctly in 40 years.  Neither could I 40 years ago.  😂

 

[Hagar]

On 11/5/2020 at 2:53 PM, Hagar said:

Here’s a riddle for you.

A man without eyes saw plums on a tree, he neither took plums nor left plums so how could this be.

Never had anyone answer it correctly in 40 years.  Neither could I 40 years ago.  😂

 

Okay, y’all gave up.

Guy only had one eye, saw two plums on a tree.   Took one and left one.  Now, if you’re like me, you can say, Durn, why didn’t I think of that.

😂😂😂

[SmashMouth]

15 hours ago, Hagar said:

Okay, y’all gave up.

Guy only had one eye, saw two plums on a tree.   Took one and left one.  Now, if you’re like me, you can say, Durn, why didn’t I think of that.

😂😂😂

Hell, Hagar, I still don’t understand it!

[Hagar]

49 minutes ago, SmashMouth said:

Hell, Hagar, I still don’t understand it!

He didn’t have eyes, he only had an eye.  He only took a plum, not plums.  Left a plum, not plums.    Stick with me SmashMouth.  You too can be a walking encyclopedia of useless knowledge.   😂😂🤣😂😂

[baddog]

25 minutes ago, Hagar said:

He didn’t have eyes, he only had an eye.  He only took a plum, not plums.  Left a plum, not plums.    Stick with me SmashMouth.  You too can be a walking encyclopedia of useless knowledge.   😂😂🤣😂😂

I googled it. Thought it was cheating. Has everything to do with the plurals used. You know how I hate cheaters. Lol

[SmashMouth]

43 minutes ago, Hagar said:

He didn’t have eyes, he only had an eye.  He only took a plum, not plums.  Left a plum, not plums.    Stick with me SmashMouth.  You too can be a walking encyclopedia of useless knowledge.   😂😂🤣😂😂

I’m with baddog. This crap is fixed! Lol.

[Hagar]

21 hours ago, SmashMouth said:

I’m with baddog. This crap is fixed! Lol.

Been learning from the Democrats.   😂😜😂

[UT alum]

On 6/24/2016 at 5:09 PM, baddog said:

......some lightening up...

Teacher asked the class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

Sally: We went to my uncle's farm and saw some goats. They were fascinating.

Teacher: That's good Sally, but I asked you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.

Molly: Our family went to Rock City. We were fascinated.

Teacher: That's good Molly, but I asked you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated.

Little Johnny had his hand up, but the teacher knew she has been burned by little Johnny before. She finally decided that even little Johnny could not burn her with the word fascinate, so she caled on him.

Little Johnny: My aunt got a new sweater with ten buttons but her breasts are so big she can only fasten eight.

 

Would that be Little Johnny F. F.?

[UT alum]

An engineer died and went to Hell. When he got there, he looked around and said “Man, this place needs fixing up. Mind if I do a little work on it, Satan?” Satan said, “sure”, and the engineer went to work. First, he installed a big AC system. Next, he built a waterworks system. Ice cold water fountains everywhere.

He’d started on a sewerage plant when God looked down and saw all the work he was doing. He decided Heaven could use a little sprucing up and got to thinking maybe he’d sent the guy to the wrong place. He told Satan, “Look, this engineer got sent to the wrong place. Send him up here. Satan said, “No, he works for me. You can’t have him.” 

God said, “What do you mean, No? I am omnipotent. You can’t refuse me!”

The Devil said, “I’m not letting go of him”

God replied, “Fine. I’ll sue you and we’ll see who wins.

Satan chuckled as he said, “Where you gonna find a lawyer?”

 

[Hagar]

@TxHoops I do hope you read the above post.  😂🤣😂

[TxHoops]

6 minutes ago, Hagar said:

@TxHoops I do hope you read the above post.  😂🤣😂

Classic 😂🤣.  Happy thanksgiving my friend.