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Hagar
Hagar

Ok, couple of months before I retired, on way way to work and heard Al Caldwell tell this story on KLVI. Billy Bob was the greatest running back in the history of Texas A&M and College footba

baddog
baddog

......some lightening up... Teacher asked the class to use the word fascinate in a sentence. Sally: We went to my uncle's farm and saw some goats. They were fascinating. Teacher: That's

Englebert
Englebert

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you wer

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SmashMouth

SmashMouth

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Posted

Older husband and wife were on vacation enjoying a beautiful relaxing second honeymoon in Belize. Lying on the beach having drinks, the wife turns to her husband and asks, “Honey, if I die before you, will you remarry?”  The man is taken aback with the question and replies, “In such a beautiful place and on our 2nd honeymoon, why would you ask such a question? I wouldn’t even want to start that discussion and ruin this awesome time.” They continued enjoying their lovely trip and eventually went back home. The day after arriving hone, the wife brought it up again. “Honey, if I die before you, will you remarry?” He replied, “I haven’t thought about it before you brought it up, but yes, it’s possible.” She then asked, “Would y’all sleep in our bed?” To which he replied, “No, of course not. That would be disrespectful of you and our marriage.” She asked, “Well what about my jewelry you bought me? Would you let her wear it?” Again he replied, “No, of course not. Those were things I bought for you. I could never let someone else wear your jewelry.” “What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use those?” He replied, “No, of course not...she’s a lefty.”

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TxHoops

TxHoops

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Jesus meets a Republican, a libertarian and a democrat.  He notices the Republican is blind so he lays his hands on him.  The Republican exclaims “thank you Lord!  I can finally see.”   Jesus notices the libertarian is crippled so he walks over and lays his hands on him.  The Libertarian stands up and cries out, “Thank you dear Jesus!  I can now walk!”  Finally Jesus walks over to the Democrat.  The Democrat throws his hands out and screams, “Don’t you dare touch me!  I’m on disability!”

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TxHoops

TxHoops

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This one is for my favorite Catholic 😉

 

A teenaged boy goes to confessional.  “Forgive me Father for I have sinned.  I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, Little Johnny?”

”Yes, Father, it is.”

”And who was this girl you were with?”

”I can’t tell you Father.  I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me how.  Was it Emily Jones?”

”I cannot say.”

”Was it Lauren Peter’s?”

”I’ll never tell Father.”

”Was it Amelia Parker?”

”I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

”Was it Grace Smith?”

”My lips are sealed.”

”Okay, so it was Mia O’Malley then?”

”Please Father.  I really can’t tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration.  “You’re very tight-lipped, and I admire that.  But you have sinned my son, and you have to atone.  You can no longer continue to be an altar boy until 4 months have passed.  Now go and behave yourself.”

”Yes, Father.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jimmy slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

Little Johnny grins... “Four months vacation and 5 good leads!”

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baddog

baddog

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43 minutes ago, TxHoops said:

This one is for my favorite Catholic 😉

 

A teenaged boy goes to confessional.  “Forgive me Father for I have sinned.  I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, Little Johnny?”

”Yes, Father, it is.”

”And who was this girl you were with?”

”I can’t tell you Father.  I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me how.  Was it Emily Jones?”

”I cannot say.”

”Was it Lauren Peter’s?”

”I’ll never tell Father.”

”Was it Amelia Parker?”

”I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

”Was it Grace Smith?”

”My lips are sealed.”

”Okay, so it was Mia O’Malley then?”

”Please Father.  I really can’t tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration.  “You’re very tight-lipped, and I admire that.  But you have sinned my son, and you have to atone.  You can no longer continue to be an altar boy until 4 months have passed.  Now go and behave yourself.”

”Yes, Father.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jimmy slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

Little Johnny grins... “Four months vacation and 5 good leads!”

Lmao.

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