Thoughts On Parents Attending Practice? Then Talking To Coach about Son Starting

[Guest Luv Ya Blue]

All the time my son was playing high school ball, there have been certain parents that have attended almost every practice their kid was involved in. Without fail, those same parents are the ones you see bird-dogging the coach before and after practice, and before and after a game. I don't think too highly of this type of activity because it wreaks of the parent trying to ensure his/her kid gets plenty of playing time and a starting postition, instead of relying on the ability and drive of the kid to get that spot.

What's your opinion of workout parents (parents who make a habit of attending workouts, and shadowing the coach in an effort to get little Johnny a starting spot)?

This should be good.

[WOS92]

I think every kid should have a chance to play up through middle school. Once they're in high school, ability should carry them. Such parental pressure is one of the reasons that some programs will never rise above mediocrity.

[stang4life]

Well...we had the same stuff happen at our school for the last couple of years.

Sadly...this screams...GET A LIFE PARENTS and leave your kids and their coaches alone.  IMO, most of these same parents fall into that "I-didn't-make-it-as-a-football-player-so-let-me-try-to-live-my-dreams-through-my-children"

category. 

I agree with the post that all kids should be given the opportunity to play through 8th grade and then after that...ability, determination, and commitment should take over and get them playing time in high school.

[BHpawpaw]

I always attended my sons practices whenever I had the chance. But I rarely spoke to the coaches. If the coaches do their jobs and not let parents or boosters influence them on who is truly the most talented players then they will field the best team possible. But as we ALL know.... small town politics seems to always be lying just under the radar of being obvious. Really nothing you can do about that sort of thing is there? If you stir up the issue, then your kid gets shelved even farther back. Yes it is annoying and I want to think that most of the time these parents just end up being frustrated for years, but I'm sure there are times that their parent level politicing pays off.

[HORNET_HIVE72]

i think its ok if they come and watch.. but some parents try to live through there child..and that just makes everything not fun anymore.. football is an aggressive but fun sport... you can be serious.. but you can also have fun..thats what makes the sport so good..and when parents try to make it a way to serious thing for there kid it just messes it all up..parents should leave the coaches alone..unless they are saying high or just keeping posted on "LITTLE JOHNNYS" abilities in practice..

[HFHORNS]

I always attended my sons practices whenever I had the chance. But I rarely spoke to the coaches. If the coaches do their jobs and not let parents or boosters influence them on who is truly the most talented players then they will field the best team possible. But as we ALL know.... small town politics seems to always be lying just under the radar of being obvious. Really nothing you can do about that sort of thing is there? If you stir up the issue, then your kid gets shelved even farther back. Yes it is annoying and I want to think that most of the time these parents just end up being frustrated for years, but I'm sure there are times that their parent level politicing pays off.

I think parents should stay in the stands and leave the coaches alone to do their jobs.  But as we all know, there is alot of small town politics that go on in southeast texas.  We teach our kids that if you work hard and give 100% you will get what you deserve.  HOwever, in these small schools that is not always the case.  If Daddy kisses the coaches butt enough, their kid will get the playing time even if he's not the best one there.  I guess that is just life.  Its not how good you are its who you know. 

[Bigdog]

I agree that the parents can come and watch and watch only.  They are not getting paid to be coaches.

[TXBaseball]

Every single post here contains ALOT of merit and truth.  However, nobody mentioned what the kids think about parents attending practices and hounding coaches.  If you ask MOST kids, who aren't afraid of the rath of their parent who refuses to grow up, they'll tell you that they HATE their parents/grandparents being there and it is embarassing to them.  I've had more kids at my house that hang out with my kids say, and I quote, "If it weren't for my dad screaming and going into convulsions, I wouldn't even play football or baseball".  How sad is that.  They don't even like the game any longer and play because their parent demands it and bird dogs coaches. 

[warfan]

I have attended quite a few of my kids practices.  But have NEVER addressed the coach about anything he/she does.  There have been times when a coach would ask for my opinion and I would give (alway prefacing it with, "you are the coach not I") it.  The parent who tries to get his/her child playing time by whatever means is hurting the program and missing an opportunity to educate their kid about the "real" world. Our biggest problem here is parental meddling.  Most of the times it would be better for the parents to stay away.  And that is a shame. I coached my middle son untill he was 13. He always made "all-star" but when it was said I was the reason why, I gave it up.  He continued to excell without my involvement (thank God) and had a successful career. All of you guys are making valid points.  It is a tough subject expecially in the small school and small town politics.

[jmspears3]

I have attended quite a few of my kids practices.  But have NEVER addressed the coach about anything he/she does.  There have been times when a coach would ask for my opinion and I would give (alway prefacing it with, "you are the coach not I") it.  The parent who tries to get his/her child playing time by whatever means is hurting the program and missing an opportunity to educate their kid about the "real" world. Our biggest problem here is parental meddling.  Most of the times it would be better for the parents to stay away.  And that is a shame. I coached my middle son untill he was 13. He always made "all-star" but when it was said I was the reason why, I gave it up.  He continued to excell without my involvement (thank God) and had a successful career. All of you guys are making valid points.  It is a tough subject expecially in the small school and small town politics.

I agree

Up here in SVille my son is on the 8th grade A team, He made it on his own merit,I do not have time for practices because of my work schedule but the problem is when a child is put on the A team because their dad is superintendant of schools and others dad is principal. I think the coaches also get pressure from the faculty because of being teachers kids.

as well.

[Tiger90]

I would venture to say a coach that caves into parental pressure doesn't have a very successful program.  I have always thought the PeeWee leagues for football, Little League for Baseball, and little dribblers for bball were great to help get kids focused on the sports and improving, but they can be the most negative political groups in the community when somebody's kid doesn't get the "star" position in high school like he had when involved in one of these groups. 

[warfan]

Having coached and being married to a coach, I and assure you that any coach who caves to any pressure will not have the best team available to him/her.  In small districts this is the difference between winning and losing.  And my pet peeve is the parent that doesn't care about winning or losing just playing time!!

[besbolbenbedygud]

I'm all for parents coming to practice and talking with the coach............... as long as it's ok for the Coach to bring his lawn chair to the parents job and critique what, or why they do things at their job..........lol.......wouldn't that be fun to see.......

Before I say this, I understand if you don't win your not around long!!!

What I've never understood, in High School Coaching, is no matter the past success.......... for a two to four year period a parent can effect a Coach and his family and what they have known for 15+ years.........and the Coaching family has to change in some form or fashion (move, relocate, change schools....etc).........but after the kids of this parent or parents are gone.....the parents still get to go to their same job day in and day out doing what ever it is they love, where they love to do it,  with out anyone changing or effecting their lives............how fair is that??

[warfan]

That's why it takes a special person to be a high school coach.  Most of us just would not put up with it.  The successful high school coaches have support from family, and are usually great people with high morals and standards. The coaches that cave to pressures just don't last long in this line of work.  You can get fired faster for caving in to pressure and losing than bad coaching, especially if your a new coach.

[Cardinal Supporter]

My son played only through the 8TH grade. He did not have the killer instinct that it takes to be a good football player. I never pushed him to play or not play. He decided to stop on his own. I went to almost all the practices. I was there to show support and to be there incase there was an injury. When he was 7 years old he played for a city league and broke his arm. If I had not been there he would have had to wait until practice was over to be brought to the doctor. I never questioned the coach on the knowledge of the game or about how he conducted himself or how he approched the game with the tallent he had. He was the coach and is supposed to know what he is doing. Sure I would have liked to see my son play more but that is not my place to tell the coach how to do his job. I am now retired but when I was working I did not let anyone tell me how to do my job. I would do what my boss wanted me to do but I would not appreciate it if someone tried to tell me how to do it. I do think parents should take an interest in their childrens activities but leave the coaching to the coach. Be there for support and incase of an emergency.

[Cardfan]

I agree parents need to allow the coaches to coach.  there is nothing wrong if you want to go watch your kid at practice but please let the coaches do there job.  It is hard as a parent to let our kids grow up and at time we may have to relieze that a certain sport is not for our children.  I watched for many of years at the little leauge level parents treating their children as if they were getting paid by the pros alot of times the same parents forgot that all of the children should have been out there having fun.  A child at some point and time will understand that a sport may not be for them and if they do parents it is OK.  Hopefully they will pick something that they enjoy doing and good at.

[Jsmity]

Ive had to live in this sick reality b4 but in the same shoes that your son wore... its heart-breaking to have people point out the source of your individual success to be that of your fathers if he is the coach... I had to put up with it through high school... its even worse when the type of people who are doing this are fathers of sons that play the same position as you... and they say that your abilities are overshadowed by the fact that your father is the coach... put yourself in that perspective... and ironically I didnt even EARN my spot on varsity until I was in the 11th grade from my coach, WOOPS!!!... i mean DAD..... and you put up with it... and you listen to all the hoop-la that gets stired up.. and you pretend to ignore it or act like it doesnt bother you...  thats what these kids have to do when other kids parents start tooting the coaches horn... and they CAN build off this and use it as fuel to their fire... but to what avail?... their success will always be questioned.. well the validity of it anyways... even if they EARN a college scholarship to play at the next level... but then the scrutiny still comes.... to me at least... but oh well.. what hasnt killed me yet has only made me stronger right?... just think about what your doing b4 you do it... b/c these kids are at an extremely impressionable stage in their life... and you wouldnt want them to grow up and be just as ignorant and selfish as you are.... would you?

[stang4life]

Cardinal Supporter...excellent post.

Those two reasons should be the primary reasons parents attend practices.  There is nothing worse than having a child injured on the field or anywhere else (in an extracurricular sport) and not have a parent there. 

[Razor]

I am OK with parents attending practices to watch and observe only.  Please, please let the coaches coach.  Politicing to get your kid more playing time teaches the wrong message.  Kids need to learn that you earn your place in life (not just sports) based on your ability and contribution.  Anyway, I doubt that most school coaches worth their salt play kids based on who their parents are.

[Wes57]

My son played only through the 8TH grade. He did not have the killer instinct that it takes to be a good football player. I never pushed him to play or not play. He decided to stop on his own. I went to almost all the practices. I was there to show support and to be there incase there was an injury. When he was 7 years old he played for a city league and broke his arm. If I had not been there he would have had to wait until practice was over to be brought to the doctor. I never questioned the coach on the knowledge of the game or about how he conducted himself or how he approched the game with the tallent he had. He was the coach and is supposed to know what he is doing. Sure I would have liked to see my son play more but that is not my place to tell the coach how to do his job. I am now retired but when I was working I did not let anyone tell me how to do my job. I would do what my boss wanted me to do but I would not appreciate it if someone tried to tell me how to do it. I do think parents should take an interest in their childrens activities but leave the coaching to the coach. Be there for support and incase of an emergency.

A perfect post !!  Thank you.

[Guest Luv Ya Blue]

Great posts so far!!

[whsalum]

I've seen a lot of coaches who actually liked having the parents there.In those programs you have no trouble seeing that the coach is in charge.Those coahes are usually the head of some very successful programs.Some of the very best in this area coached the dads that are leaning on the fence.

[exbccards76smom]

I attended just about every football practice my son took part in, but never said anything to the coaches about his playing.

[Guest LCM Volleyball]

If i was a parent i wouldn't either. Then again alot of parents do just to see thrie kid play.

[adminbaberuth]

Had two, softball and baseball, spoke to both coaches senior night.