Parents out of bounds; respect for coaches waning

[adminbaberuth]

Parents out of bounds; respect for coaches waning

Commentary By Scott Kaiser

Times Sports Writer

par~ent (par'ent) n. 1. A father or mother; 2. Any organism in relation to its offspring; 3. A source; origin. Definition from the Second College Edition of Webster's New World Dictionary

coach (koch) n. 2. (a) A private tutor; ( one who instructs or trains a performer or a team of performers; © One who instructs players in the fundamentals of a competitive sport and directs team strategy. Definition from Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary

You will notice in the above definitions that parent and coach are not related. However, it appears that more of the former think they know more than the latter, and aren't afraid to cross that line.

Example No. 1: At last Friday's Cinco Ranch-Mayde Creek girls' basketball game, the Lady Cougars posted an impressive 21-point road victory to remain in a first-place tie with Taylor in the District 17-5A race. This was a huge road win against a Lady Rams' squad that lost at the buzzer to the Lady Mustangs just three nights earlier. It was also Cinco Ranch's 56th win its last 57 district games, one of the most impressive streaks in the history of Texas high school sports.

After the game, I had just asked Lady Cougars coach Eric Bartlett about the victory when a gentlemen stopped in front of us and said, I'm embarrassed to be part of this program.

I want to re-emphasize that this comment, which left both of us dumbfounded, came after a 21-point road victory by the four-time defending district champions. Here are some of the other gaudy numbers posted by the Cinco Ranch girls' basketball program:

** A record of 152-55 in the last six-plus seasons;

** Playoff qualifiers the last six years, including four straight trips to the regional quarterfinals before advancing to the Region III finals last season;

** A district-winning streak of 54 games over four-plus seasons;

** A 17-13 record this season, with 12 of those losses having come against programs with a combined 243-71 record. Eight of those teams have already won 20 or more games;

** Led by a coach who has won 462 games in his 22-plus seasons.

Boy, I bet Coach Bartlett tosses and turns every night in bed thinking about how embarrassing his program is.

Example No. 2: A veteran coach recently told me that one of his former players had considered getting into high school coaching, but said, I don't think I can take the criticism. I'm not tough enough.

Example No. 3: The constant ringing tune of Play a different quarterback! shouted from the Morton Ranch stands during the majority of the 2007 football season. I'm sure that was pleasant for the quarterback who was playing.

Example No. 4 through infinity: Time-wasting, mind-numbing meetings with parents who aren't happy with their child's playing time.

Now, understand that I come at this from three different angles: parent of a teenager, a former high school coach, and a sports writer.

As a parent whose child played basketball as a freshman and has been in the tennis program at Cy-Fair High School for three years, it is tough to watch her play. It ached at times when she didn't get to play as a freshman because I love my daughter. I am selfish and am extremely protective of her well-being. We all want our children to play the entire game, succeed, and be champions.

This is unrealistic. It is Fantasy Land, spurred by our changing society.

High school sports is not Fun-Fair-Positive-Soccer. FFPS is a great program for youngsters, but playing high school sports prepares teenagers for life. Life is not always fun, it's hardly ever fair, and you're never going to live a day without someone being negative about something.

So, how do I best love my daughter? By letting her experience all aspects of high school sports, the good times and the rough times. By letting her learn to deal with adults, i.e. the coach, if she has a question or is discouraged. If I start fighting her battles now, what will she do in college and once she has a job? Will she expect me to call her professor or boss when she has a problem or dilemma? Even worse, will she expect me to go over the head of her direct supervisor/teacher/coach to the athletic coordinator/principal/dean/CEO, without first privately following the chain of command?

Although my daughter has rarely complained about anything in athletics, when she does, her mother and I say, Talk to the Coach. Rather than fighting these battles for her, I stand deep in the bleachers or far away from the court and mumble about strategy or coaching techniques, but I keep them to myself.

As a former high school coach, albeit for only three years, I agonized over lineups and trying to get everyone into a match. In tennis things are more cut and dried because we have a challenge ladder and you can prove one-on-one who best deserves a certain spot, but I can promise you that the No. 1 dilemma, and there isn't a close second, for all coaches is how to decide playing time.

No coach, repeat, NO COACH!!! goes into a match or game thinking, Boy, I'm not going to play so-and-so just to upset him/her. Deciding who does or does not play, or how long someone plays, is not based on malice. It's done after watching hours of practice and games, watching tape, and scouting opponents. Varsity coaches have to decide on what lineup can best help them win on that night, not on stroking the egos of the players (or sometimes, the parents).

As a sports writer, one who wrote his first story for a professional paper in 1976, I have seen a disintegration of the team (Together Everyone Accomplishes More!). Instead of having a team of players, you have individuals who play for a team. Encouraged by greedy club coaches and sometimes-misguided parents who have forked out thousands of dollars to chase that not-inevitable scholarship, high school coaches have become targets with large red circles on their backs.

These coaches, who, by the way, are first and foremost classroom teachers, go to clinics, study tapes until all hours of the morning, or go scouting when they could be home with their families, but somehow that doesn't make them as qualified as those of us who sit in the stands.

Do you not see their bloodshot eyes late in a season? Do you not see them when they are at the hospital with an injured player at 3 a.m., then head to 6 a.m. practice? Do you not see them representing our schools and our children with humility and grace? Do you not see how much they LOVE children?

Trust me, it's easy to be a coach from the stands. I do it every time I cover a game, but that doesn't mean I'm qualified to do so from the field or the bench. Like any sports writer, there's not a coach alive who hasn't questioned the strategy of a fellow coach, but you're not hearing them yell it from the stands or calling the principal the next morning because Johnny or Julie didn't play.

Winning at all costs or being a breeding ground for college programs is not the ultimate goal of a high school sports program. It's about teaching kids about academic and behavioral responsibility, and sacrificing the goals of the individual for the betterment of the team.

I'd say probably 90 percent of the parents understand this; it's the 10 percent who make coaches dread answering the phone or looking at their emails.

Friends, our coaches deserve better. Before shouting that slur or making that call or sending an email, please look in the mirror and ask yourself, Is this about the TEAM, or this about ME?

[hjhawks]

This should be posted inside every gym in the state.....  I am actually going to print it out and hang it up tomorrow... THIS IS AWESOME!

Thankfully this has not been much of an issue in my time at HJ...

[Guest bleed orange]

I will comment on this article. It is late but that article is freaking awesome and so true.

[hjhawks]

I will comment on this article. It is late but that article is freaking awesome and so true.

bleed.... it is past your bedtime!!!!  the nursing home gets mad when you stay up late! hahaha

[Jdad]

I agree it is true But not all is great for the kid. It says that sports isn't always fair and sometimes discouraging but he wouldn't stand up for his kid because she needed to learn the hard way. Maybe when a bully picked on her he would say deal with it or a molester grabs her he could say learn from this it will help you later. If parents don't stand up for their kids no one else will. Those lessons are for adults not 14-15 year olds. I will respect anyone who is doing their best for their team even if they make mistakes. Not all who spend summers and thousands of dollars are doing it for just their kid. Some and the ones I know did it to prepare them for high school because the experience of going to state is a lifetime memory. I don't know about this teams success but I know for sure the success for HJ and Orangefield, Koutze is a dirrect path to the little dribblers program because you see the lack of success from the teams without parents who work for years to develope their kids for school ball. don't knock the parents who are willing to stand up for their kids! Now I know some parents are nuts but not all coachs are great either. The majority do the best they can and expect the same of others.

[Guest bleed orange]

This article is about a broader horizon. The parents mentioned are a select few. But the problem is getting worse and that problem needs to be addressed. I will post later, I promise. Good subject to talk about.

[twilyms]

Respect is earned, not deserved. The best advice I ever got was when I got promoted at my job, I was told, " No one will respect you just because you have a title. Prove to them you can do the job and the respect will come." That is the problem. A lot of coaches or so incompetent, it is hard to respect them.

One example, a girl on our highschool team missed the first few weeks of the season with an ACL injury. This girl is a freshman. We have a new coach and he has never seen her play. When she was realeased she went straight to the varsity. How did this happen? Input from parents and outside forces have a lot to do with who made the varsity. How do you show respect for this guy when the talk in the stands is that his program is being run by a couple of the parents? That's why this program struggles to get to the level of the Centrals, the Kountzes, the Orangefields and the HJ's. This is why girls are quitting and people are frustrated.

If an incompetent police officer was investigating the break in at your home, would you just sit back and remain quiet because a policeman should be respected? I don't think so. I totally disagree that you just respect the coach because he has a title. I think he needs to earn it like everyone else.

[hjhawks]

Respect is earned, not deserved. The best advice I ever got was when I got promoted at my job, I was told, " No one will respect you just because you have a title. Prove to them you can do the job and the respect will come." That is the problem. A lot of coaches or so incompetent, it is hard to respect them.

One example, a girl on our highschool team missed the first few weeks of the season with an ACL injury. This girl is a freshman. We have a new coach and he has never seen her play. When she was realeased she went straight to the varsity. How did this happen? Input from parents and outside forces have a lot to do with who made the varsity. How do you show respect for this guy when the talk in the stands is that his program is being run by a couple of the parents? That's why this program struggles to get to the level of the Centrals, the Kountzes, the Orangefields and the HJ's. This is why girls are quitting and people are frustrated.

If an incompetent police officer was investigating the break in at your home, would you just sit back and remain quiet because a policeman should be respected? I don't think so. I totally disagree that you just respect the coach because he has a title. I think he needs to earn it like everyone else.

If I were you, I would ask the coach why he did it, not rely on conspiracy theories from the stands.  You don't have to agree with him, but respect should not have to be earned by an authority figure.  Your parents don't have to earn your respect..... nor should your teachers.

If HF was 27-3 most would still be griping because of this...It is a me first culture in most places these days....

[bbwmf]

there is not enough money in the world to pay High school coaches for what they have to put up with!!!

[Lazeek]

there is not enough money in the world to pay High school coaches for what they have to put up with!!!

Could not agree more bbwmf!!!!!!

[skyhcky]

there is not enough money in the world to pay High school coaches for what they have to put up with!!!

Could not agree more bbwmf!!!!!!

I agree... a special person becomes a coach for the love of sports, the school and the kids.  a fool does it for the money lol!

[BLUEDOVE3]

Respect is earned, not deserved. The best advice I ever got was when I got promoted at my job, I was told, " No one will respect you just because you have a title. Prove to them you can do the job and the respect will come." That is the problem. A lot of coaches or so incompetent, it is hard to respect them.

One example, a girl on our highschool team missed the first few weeks of the season with an ACL injury. This girl is a freshman. We have a new coach and he has never seen her play. When she was realeased she went straight to the varsity. How did this happen? Input from parents and outside forces have a lot to do with who made the varsity. How do you show respect for this guy when the talk in the stands is that his program is being run by a couple of the parents? That's why this program struggles to get to the level of the Centrals, the Kountzes, the Orangefields and the HJ's. This is why girls are quitting and people are frustrated.

If an incompetent police officer was investigating the break in at your home, would you just sit back and remain quiet because a policeman should be respected? I don't think so. I totally disagree that you just respect the coach because he has a title. I think he needs to earn it like everyone else.

You know, I met the (new)coach once and it was through a parent whose kid plays for him. I've seen it at the lower levels here (Little Dribblers, MS, etc) but didn't realize it was so regular at the high school level.

[twilyms]

One thing I should have added is that the coach should be given a chance. All too often, judgement is rendered way too swiftly and way too harshly. I still believe a title doesn't earn you respect, actions and results do. However, there should be a timetable of allowance to give that coach an opportunity to earn the respect he deserves.

[hjhawks]

One thing I should have added is that the coach should be given a chance. All too often, judgement is rendered way too swiftly and way too harshly. I still believe a title doesn't earn you respect, actions and results do. However, there should be a timetable of allowance to give that coach an opportunity to earn the respect he deserves.

The person doesn't get respect.... the title does..... 

example:  I cannot stand Obama!  I hate his policies, I think they are misguided, and I think things are about to get worse....  I don't like him at all, but I respect him as a politician because I respect the office of the president, and respect our country.  He won the election, so I have to go along with what he sets...

Dislike and respect are two different things.

Main Entry:

    1re·spect Listen to the pronunciation of 1respect

Pronunciation:

    \ri-ˈspekt\

Function:

    noun

Etymology:

    Middle English, from Latin respectus, literally, act of looking back, from respicere to look back, regard, from re- + specere to look — more at spy

Date:

    14th century

1: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>2: an act of giving particular attention : consideration3 a: high or special regard : esteem b: the quality or state of being esteemed cplural : expressions of respect or deference <paid our respects>4: particular , detail <a good plan in some respects>

— in respect of

chiefly British : with respect to : concerning

— in respect to

: with respect to : concerning

— with respect to

: with reference to : in relation to

[BLUEDOVE3]

One thing I should have added is that the coach should be given a chance. All too often, judgement is rendered way too swiftly and way too harshly. I still believe a title doesn't earn you respect, actions and results do. However, there should be a timetable of allowance to give that coach an opportunity to earn the respect he deserves.

The person doesn't get respect.... the title does..... 

example:  I cannot stand Obama!  I hate his policies, I think they are misguided, and I think things are about to get worse....  I don't like him at all, but I respect him as a politician because I respect the office of the president, and respect our country.  He won the election, so I have to go along with what he sets...

Dislike and respect are two different things.

Main Entry:

    1re·spect Listen to the pronunciation of 1respect

Pronunciation:

    \ri-ˈspekt\

Function:

    noun

Etymology:

    Middle English, from Latin respectus, literally, act of looking back, from respicere to look back, regard, from re- + specere to look — more at spy

Date:

    14th century

1: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>2: an act of giving particular attention : consideration3 a: high or special regard : esteem b: the quality or state of being esteemed cplural : expressions of respect or deference <paid our respects>4: particular , detail <a good plan in some respects>

— in respect of

chiefly British : with respect to : concerning

— in respect to

: with respect to : concerning

— with respect to

: with reference to : in relation to

Please note - some side effects for Prozac may not be reported. Always consult your doctor or healthcare specialist for medical advice. You may also report side effects to the FDA at

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or 1-800-FDA-1088 (1-800-332-1088).

[twilyms]

One thing I should have added is that the coach should be given a chance. All too often, judgement is rendered way too swiftly and way too harshly. I still believe a title doesn't earn you respect, actions and results do. However, there should be a timetable of allowance to give that coach an opportunity to earn the respect he deserves.

The person doesn't get respect.... the title does..... 

example:  I cannot stand Obama!  I hate his policies, I think they are misguided, and I think things are about to get worse....  I don't like him at all, but I respect him as a politician because I respect the office of the president, and respect our country.  He won the election, so I have to go along with what he sets...

Dislike and respect are two different things.

Main Entry:

    1re·spect Listen to the pronunciation of 1respect

Pronunciation:

    \ri-ˈspekt\

Function:

    noun

Etymology:

    Middle English, from Latin respectus, literally, act of looking back, from respicere to look back, regard, from re- + specere to look more at spy

Date:

    14th century

1: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>2: an act of giving particular attention : consideration3 a: high or special regard : esteem b: the quality or state of being esteemed cplural : expressions of respect or deference <paid our respects>4: particular , detail <a good plan in some respects>

in respect of

chiefly British : with respect to : concerning

in respect to

: with respect to : concerning

with respect to

: with reference to : in relation to

Please note - some side effects for Prozac may not be reported. Always consult your doctor or healthcare specialist for medical advice. You may also report side effects to the FDA at

This is the hidden content, please

• Sign In
• or
• Sign Up

or 1-800-FDA-1088 (1-800-332-1088).

Now that's funny.

[Guest bleed orange]

I think some people are missing the big picture. I know on the baseball forum they are. There a lot of parents out there who think there kids are better than they are and there is a lot of parents who only care about how many points their kid scores instead of if the "TEAM" wins or loses. Yes, Jdad you know I agree about the little dribbler program but I have also seen parent coaches only promote their kid. Yes maybe their kid is the best one on the team because that parent has worked with them and I applaud that because I have seen parents that don't even come watch their kid play. In my opinion the "League" should be about promoting all the kids. Let the kids with more ability make the kids with less better.  I say that because you know what kids are above some of the others at that stage in their life.  I witnessed a little dribbler game at Orangefield where this coach had two son's on the team. They were the only ones that shot the ball. Something wrong with that picture. I know it does not happen all the time but it does happen. The kids want to win, I know that but what is the price for winning sometimes. Again I am talking about the league not allstars. Allstars is about winning and so is Junior high and high school to me.

Now the purpose of the article. I am thankfull everyday for my parents and my coaches because yes they both taught me that through hard work and discipline I can be a productive person in society. Athletics is a big part of that teaching. I learned to work together with teamates and coworkers. They coincide with one another. All through school I let my kids fight their own battles. I was never up at the school defending my kids Because right or wrong their are lessons to be learned. Believe me there was times I wanted to say something but even if my kid got in trouble for something they did not do. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time and that is life sometimes. Life is not fair all the time. I was lucky because it made them stronger. Now that does not work on every kid but not every kid has character. Character will carry you a long way in the work force just like on the athletic field of battle. I can honestly say that my coaches were instrumental in shaping my life and for that I am thankful. We can't watch our kids (High School) 24 hours a day and we can't protect them 24 hours a day. We have to let them fall and get back up on their own. If we don't then they will depend on us the rest of their life. I don't know about you guys but I have "NO" kids in the house right now and it is pretty nice. No empty nest syndrome here. I was there for my kids for 18 years and I will be while they go to college. After college it is time for them to leave the nest. That article is about life lessons. Something our kids need to learn. Maybe some coaches are not made to teach these lessons but I was not made to be a doctor either. All in all if someone gets into the teaching or coaching profession these days, that have to love it because it sure ain't about the money.  Told you guys I was going to post. ;D

[Jdad]

I agree with most of your comments Bleed. My point was not really if that article was true but when you put parents in the title that includes everyone with a child. The ones that the statement is about are exactly what you said. I was fortunate to go through little dribblers with great parents who cared for all the kids. The group below ours fought like cats and dogs and was there for their kids only. My experience was great and most of those kids are no longer playing. Just like I would never say coachs are child molesters but a few are. As for Hawks respect is not in the title as you say I'm not a english professor but if your theory holds you must believe that the boss is to be respected and You work for Hardin Jefferson School District which when you get to the top it is the taxpayers or parents it just goes in circles.One day the kids you coach will be parents and taxpayers so you should respect them. Now thats scary ;D ;D ;D ;D

[hjhawks]

Well put.... I don't think there is a high school coach (or a good one at least) that does not respect the effort and work that his or her players put in. 

I am tired and going to bed... see you tomorrow night.... bring your noise makers!