Coaching your own Kids

[Betrayed]

  I have no hard data to confirm this, but after years of interacting with youth coaches, my best estimate is that somewhere between 90 and 95% of youth coaches in all sports become involved with coaching kids because of their own children. Most of these coaches decide to "help out" on their son or daughter's teams. A few are selected to be head coaches despite inexperience and relative lack of knowledge. [color=red](Lazeek)[/color]  ;D ;D ;D
Please note that I have the utmost respect for these 'Dad-coaches'. Especially the fair-minded 1's that treat all of the players equally and give no preferential treatment to their kids.In my opinion, parent-coaches are not a very good idea. There are a variety of reasons why I feel that way, but here are the most important ones.
To start with, your relationship with your son or daughter must be different on the field or on the court than it is at home. On the practice field or court, thats why criticism is important."Criticism is like money. A player should not worry about receiving it. They should worry about a lack of it." A player can't improve if he or she doesn't know what he's doing incorrectly. Many parents have enormous difficulty criticizing their own children.There is also the issue of perception.
As an example, imagine a head football coach or Basketball coach who is coaching his own son. After the first week of practice, his son's name appears on the depth chart as a first string quarterback or point guard. Other parents of players on the team will notice this. Their sons will come home and tell them about practice and the new guard, or quarterback. They may notice the changes when the team is announced at the first game of the season. They will likely begin to chat amongst themselves about the team.
Sooner or later, human nature being what it is, some parent is going to complain. Some parent, probably one that has never even been to a practice, is going to get the idea that the coach's son is only the quarterback or point guard because he's the coach's son, or race. ;) Eventually that irate parent is going to bleat to the league administration about the unfairness. This head coach will soon be accused of nepotism.
Now, based on the information we have before us, is the coach guilty as charged? Yes, I  did say yes!! The coach is guilty of nepotism, of giving favored treatment to his son because of their relationship. Why is he guilty? Because he allowed himself to be perceived as guilty. Unfortunately his actual intentions are completely irrelevant once that perception takes root in the minds of the parents and administration of his league. Anyone in a position of leadership and authority must hold themselves to a higher standard.
At all times, the "Parent Coach" must be perceived as honorable, fair, and devoted to his team. His players must know that he can be trusted, because he is trustworthy. What does it tell the players when their coach tells them to work hard, to give it 100%, and then places his son in the most coveted position on the team? I believe that it tells them to stop trying, because they cannot trust their coach.
Perhaps that coach's son truly is the best quarterback, or point guard on the team. Perhaps he is destined for an D1 scholarship in a few years. Perhaps he's a natural leader, with poise and confidence beyond his years, who inspires his teammates to play at a higher level.
Here is the catch-22 for parent-coaches, and the single largest reason I am against the idea of parents coaching their own kids. There is no way to be completely be fair to all parties in this situation. If a coach makes his son the quarterback, or point guard, he'll be accused of playing favorites. If the coach gives another boy the position, then not only is he shafting his son, but his entire team suffers because a lesser-talented player is now running the offense. Is the coach's son, by virtue of his lineage, not allowed to compete on an equal basis with his teammates for all the positions?
In recent memories, A coach in a Youth League placed his son in the starting quarterback position. Unfortunately, his team had a losing season, and, as always when a coach has a bad year, nay-sayers and bad-mouthers came out from the woodwork. Apparently, the sole reason they had a losing season was that the coach's son was the quarterback.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Those of us on the inside of the league knew that his son was one of the most gifted natural athletes in the league. In fact, his son was on my own draft list in 2nd place until I discovered he was the son of another coach, and our league automatically sent him to his father's team. The position I intended to place him in was quarterback.
I have my suspicions about why their team had a losing season, and they have nothing to do with nepotism. Unfortunately, that was the perception, therefore that was the fact. It's not right, but it's common.
There is really only one way to be completely fair, and be perceived as completely fair, and that is to refrain from coaching your own child. This is a radical viewpoint, but I think it's an honest one.
Understand, I mean no disrespect to parent-coaches. This sort of assumes a "perfect world" scenario. In a perfect world, there would always be enough competent, fair coaches for every team. I know this is not usually the case, and most parent-coaches started coaching their sons because there just wasn't anyone else. I applaud the sense of responsibility that made these coaches step forward when they were needed. There are very, very few coaches, especially at the youth level, that do not have children.
My recommendation is that parents make every effort to avoid coaching their own sons. It can be done if you use some creativity. For example, if your son is a linebacker, then I recommend that you coach the offensive unit, and hand the defense off to your assistant coach. Obviously this isn't a perfect solution. What do you do if your son plays both ways? The answer that I have is 'I don't know.'
At all times the most important thing to remember is the perception your players have of you. They must always know that you will do the right thing. They must know that their hard work will be rewarded with their placement on the depth chart, and their playing time. Your best defense against a charge of nepotism is your players, who will always be able to tell if you are fair and honorable.Coaching your own son or daughter is a huge responsibility, but along with that responsibility comes the equally great responsibility to the players that are not related to you. They too deserve competent, fair coaching from you.

[piratefan]

Who will coach the kids if the "parents" don't?  In our league we have I believe 9 teams..so where would you find 9 volunteers for 9 different teams that have no relation to the kids on the team to come to practice 3 nights a week ,games, and all the other things that a coach does?
  I have coached my sons team(s)..And I have watched several coaches coach there son.And it is in my opinion that coaches are more harder on there own kids then they are others. Also the "coaches/parents' are the ones working with there kids at home and putting in extra work before the first practice starts. When my son started tee ball he was ahead of the game because I knew practice would be starting and i worked with him at home..so of course that put him ahead of a few kids for the first day of practice.But the work has to continue not only at practice but at home.
  There are at times when I want to get on my son because he makes a mistake,but us coaches make it a rule..If we see the dad/coach getting a little upset at his son ,the other coach steps in and coaches him up..that way its a fair treatment and it dont jeopardize the father/son realtionship. No coach is out there by themself..a good coaching staff communicates with one another..Its not 1 dad saying "ok my son is QB."  Good coaching staffs practices and practices, and then discuss what is best for the team ..They ALL decide where each kid goes.I seen head coaches sons sit the bench..I have seen head coaches sons play KEY positions...Most of the 'coaches' has played the sport or was an athlete in school and so genetics are on there kids side that there son will be a decent athlete also.with that being said,its not just practice that my son picks up a football or baseball..Its after practice, off season,on Sundays anytime my son wants to play catch or put in the extra work i support him and we go do it together..
There are kids that are less fortunate and there dads might not know as much, or might not be around..
There maybe  coaches that put there kids in the "QB "spots or key baseball positions just because they are there son..does it happen I am sure it does...but in the long run it wil show if he is suppose to be there or not.
But a good coach and good parents will tell the '"TEAM" that it dont matter where you play as long as you are being a team player and being the best player at whatever the coach decides to put you at.
  Its not easy being a coach.your responsible for alot of kids and it dont matter what position you put whomeveer at ,someone will always be mad.

[Bulldog8]

WOW!! Somethings just blow my mind

Piratefan I agree with most of what you said. I would like to add most coaches kids are pretty good players becasue they spend time with them off the field as well. The reason for a TEAM losing is because the team is not very good. The last thing I will write and agree with, if all possible, dont specifically coach your kid for the simple reason that other coaches can get more out of him. I have done when possible. But I think it is great DADS volunteer to be involved with their kids, daddy ball or not

[BAM2000]

I do coach my kids in all sports. Softball, baseball & football. Anyone that knows me....KNOWS....I am the hardest on my own kids. I criticize them more than any other player. I expect a lot from my kids.

[Chester86]

My A-D-D kicked in after the first paragraph.  Great post with a lot of practical thoughts, but I also agree with the other posters.  You simply will not find volunteers to come out and give the dedication it takes to complete a season, and for the pay they will receive.  I too am hardest on my son, but I feel I tend to go the other way and try to be overly cognizant of the fact there are other kids on the team.  I stress that I am out there to coach the team, not my son.  He (my son) will have to earn anything he gets.  Looking at the stats at the end of the year, I do believe he did.

[mfd814]

I helped with a local football organization for the last 8-9 years as a team mom, coach, administrator.  Without moms and dads there are very few coaches out there.  I believe we had 4 in the last 8 years who did not have a kid on the team.  Parents who coach their kids are 90% of the time harder on their kid then anyone else, because they don't want anyone thinking they are getting over.  When there is a perceived problem with preferential treatment, the administration of the league should step in to investigate.