Funniest thing you heard a coach say.

[PhatMack19]

Coach Pate at Nederland had some of the best one liners.  He had "hate day" until someone made him do away with it because it wasn't pollitically correct. 

I would write some of his quotes on here, but I may get in a little trouble.  ;D

[spitz]

"JOHNSON! What's different about you!" referring to a football player doing warm-ups the wrong way, not the fact he was the only black on the team.

[Guest jnunn]

I knew we were in trouble when the head umphire said FUMBLE, I think WE got the ball pointing to the other team.

[Cowboy4jc]

Coach grabs player he nicknamed "Barbie."
"Barbie, I want you to run like a spotted ape. Have you ever seen a spotted ape?"
Barbie, "No"
Coach, "I know, because they run so fast you never see them, now get out there and run like a spotted ape!"

[GoDogs27]

This may not be appropriate so I apologize if it's not. My all-time favorite is "Boy... You could screw up a wet dream!"

[Guest ECBucFan]

"[i]They just ain't very good[/i]".  ;)

[swampdude]

"We may be little but we sure are slow"

[Mr. Athletic]

O line coach..."got d*mn Taylor, if your protection is what the future army has to offer then this country is shot to sh*t"

[Guest Pirate_pride_07]

Jeff Mathews talking about David Bolinger.

"Damn that boy looks like he's a chihuahua but plays like he's a pitbull!"

[the sports guy]

[quote name="Cowboy4jc" post="1083331" timestamp="1318647328"]
Coach grabs player he nicknamed "Barbie."
"Barbie, I want you to run like a spotted ape. Have you ever seen a spotted ape?"
Barbie, "No"
Coach, "I know, because they run so fast you never see them, now get out there and run like a spotted ape!"
[/quote]
;D

[JSL92]

In reference to the heat during two-a-days, "dang men, it's hotter than two minks screwing in a wool sock!" Mike Long. Hahaha gotta love him

[BADSANTA]

"Son you will rot on the bench before I put you in the game"

[swampdude]

Said to a really weak but persistent player who was imploring the coach to make him better.  "Son, I wasn't there at conception so I can't help you."

[ECFAN#1]

How about : Your so slow, you can't stop fast or Stop walking, this is not Astro World. Coach Stevens 1982.

[knightrider]

[quote name="blinky" post="1082346" timestamp="1318620398"]
He looks like Tarzan, but plays like Jane.
[/quote] ;D ;D ;D

[bambam33]

Had an ole coach tell me " son ya getting the ball this play, run like ya stole somethin"
Baytown Lee Ganders 1990!

[STiger85]

That boy's so fast he can get out of his own way.

[knightrider]

[quote name="bambam33" post="1084719" timestamp="1318736796"]
Had an ole coach tell me " son ya getting the ball this play, run like ya stole somethin"
Baytown Lee Ganders 1990!
[/quote] ;D ;D ;D

[Cougtalk]

I love Lou Holtz.
"A lifetime contract for a coach means if you're ahead in the third quarter and moving the ball, they can't fire you. "

"No one has ever drowned in sweat."

"On this team, we're all united in a common goal: to keep my job."

"You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose."

"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, 'Sorry, Mom,' but nobody beats me." -- Leo Durocher

"If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." -- Dean Smith

[Cougtalk]

I've heard Lou Say all three of those quotes. The others are just favorites of mine.

[STiger85]

"That boy is so fast he can crap on lighten".  Lidney Thompson

[bigd92]

Coach tells QB to throw to the slant;QB says coach the LB is right there in the zone; Coach says are you gonna believe what I say are what your eyes see.

[T-Dawd]

Coach Ed Peveto - He got all the athletes together his 1st day at Coldspring and with his left hand, he put his middle finger on top of his index finger and squeezed to make an oval. He said "Boys, let me give you some advice. Leave this alone! It will get you in trouble every time."

[T-Dawd]

Coach Ed Peveto - "why are you late for my practice? I told you about playing stinky finger! Now give me 250 dummy jumps!"

[BRONX ROX]

BIG STU half time speech  - (BIG STU)Gentlemen we have pads / helmets / cleats / jerseys what am I missing. (PLAYER) mouth pieces ???? (BIG STU) close what i'm missing IS THE GD FOOTBALL PLAYERS THAT GO WITH THE EQUIPMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

forgot to mention we were up by 17