How can you turn you're back on one of your kids?

[ndndad]

My son played in Junior this year and I thought it was going to be another fun year. Let me start by saying he was the qb of a PeeWee team that won the Super Bowl and played qb and rb as a 9yr old last and helped a team that didn't win a game the year before make the playoffs. This year, as a 10, we expected big things from him and the team. We found out early on that the "coach" didn't want him to play qb and that he would get touches at rb. I thought that was strange, but didn't say anything. We started off the season with a record of 3-1 and my son scored 10 out of 15 tds with limited touches on offense. We then played a powerhouse team and lost by 40+ points. The "coach" got mad because he said my son quit on his team. Instead of "coaching" him and making him a better player, he decided my son wasn't going to play offense anymore. Any one else see a problem with this? It gets better. My son wasn't allowed to play offense the final 4 games of the season UNTIL the final game when we were losing by 6 with just over a minute to play. They called him in to play qb and I told the "coach" that my son didn't play offense. Was I wrong? Well the final straw was when I found out that he didn't make the allstar team because we only had a couple of chances. I know he's my kid and I might be a bit biased, but he was far and away the best player on our team and I feel like instead of coaching my boy the "coaches" decided that they would rather just not deal with him because of his attitude. I thought that as a coach you were supposed to help mold young boys into not only athletes, but better people. If you think I am just whining, maybe you're right, but if it happened to your child, you would feel the same way.

[BaseBow]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094642" timestamp="1319638153"]
My son played in Junior this year and I thought it was going to be another fun year. Let me start by saying he was the qb of a PeeWee team that won the Super Bowl and played qb and rb as a 9yr old last and helped a team that didn't win a game the year before make the playoffs. This year, as a 10, we expected big things from him and the team. We found out early on that the "coach" didn't want him to play qb and that he would get touches at rb. I thought that was strange, but didn't say anything. We started off the season with a record of 3-1 and my son scored 10 out of 15 tds with limited touches on offense. We then played a powerhouse team and lost by 40+ points. The "coach" got mad because he said my son quit on his team. Instead of "coaching" him and making him a better player, he decided my son wasn't going to play offense anymore. Any one else see a problem with this? It gets better. My son wasn't allowed to play offense the final 4 games of the season UNTIL the final game when we were losing by 6 with just over a minute to play. They called him in to play qb and I told the "coach" that my son didn't play offense. Was I wrong? Well the final straw was when I found out that he didn't make the allstar team because we only had a couple of chances. I know he's my kid and I might be a bit biased, but he was far and away the best player on our team and I feel like instead of coaching my boy the "coaches" decided that they would rather just not deal with him because of his attitude. I thought that as a coach you were supposed to help mold young boys into not only athletes, but better people. If you think I am just whining, maybe you're right, but if it happened to your child, you would feel the same way.
[/quote]Come to Nederland I need a Q.B on seniors next season...Just kidding with you ..But this seems to happen alot now days maybe nexy season you should try to coach are at least get invoved with the team...I understand you may not have the time ...But you might want to get involved as much as possible..Good luck ....P.S the older they get it gets NO BETTER ...

[ndndad]

We've already made the move Bubba! I tried to help where I could, but didn't have the time to coach. I don't know that it would have made much of a difference. Just really disappointed and hope that it doesn't happen to any one else.

[Cheermom4]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094661" timestamp="1319640826"]
We've already made the move Bubba! I tried to help where I could, but didn't have the time to coach. I don't know that it would have made much of a difference. Just really disappointed and hope that it doesn't happen to any one else.
[/quote]


Does your son play baseball?  I know for fact that stuff like this happens in baseball and coaches kids always get picked first to be on allstars.  It is sad that the best player isn't picked to be on allstars, that is the way it should be.  But it just isn't the case.

[ndndad]

He's played football and baseball since he was 5 and never had anything like this happen.

[westend1]

Everybody's kid is always one of the best ones on the team.  It's one of the reasons why it is hard to be a youth sports coach.  Thankless job in a lot of ways.

[Guest]

I would like to put my 2 cents in on this one. I have 28 kids on my team and they all play on both sides of the ball. My kicker for example also plays Rb and Safety on defense. To completely remove a kid because you think he gave up is crazy. I have had to sit a few players down for a quarter to let them see someone else kick butt at their position, so that they can let me see if they really want it or not and it has worked in the past! Kids are gonna be kids and to expect a 9 or 10 year old to perform like Miles Austin or Ray Lewis every play or game is retarded! I have already had a run in with this guy that you call a coach and his staff and was very dissapointed with what took place after the game and I will leave it at that! If you lose by 40+ points and feel humiliated then tell him don't blame kids but himself, the head coach should be the leader not the blamer!!! :o Our job is to motivate these kids not to depreciate their self confidence. Attitude reflects leadership! Sounds to me like he needs to look in the mirror and have a self check test! Good luck in the playoffs and hope to see ya Saturday!

[ndndad]

Thats not the point westend. Yea its disappointing that he didn't make the team, but the point is he was basically pushed aside so they wouldn't have to deal with it. I've coached youth sports for 15+ years and would NEVER do such a thing.

[Cheermom4]

[quote name="ICEWATER" post="1094682" timestamp="1319641886"]
I would like to put my 2 cents in on this one. I have 28 kids on my team and they all play on both sides of the ball. My kicker for example also plays Rb and Safety on defense. To completely remove a kid because you think he gave up is crazy. I have had to sit a few players down for a quarter to let them see someone else kick butt at their position, so that they can let me see if they really want it or not and it has worked in the past! Kids are gonna be kids and to expect a 9 or 10 year old to perform like Miles Austin or Ray Lewis every play or game is retarded! I have already had a run in with this guy that you call a coach and his staff and was very dissapointed with what took place after the game and I will leave it at that! If you lose by 40+ points and feel humiliated then tell him don't blame kids but himself, the head coach should be the leader not the blamer!!! :o Our job is to motivate these kids not to depreciate their self confidence. Attitude reflects leadership! Sounds to me like he needs to look in the mirror and have a self check test! Good luck in the playoffs and hope to see ya Saturday!
[/quote]


Great post.

[westend1]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094683" timestamp="1319641961"]
Thats not the point westend. Yea its disappointing that he didn't make the team, but the point is he was basically pushed aside so they wouldn't have to deal with it. I've coached youth sports for 15+ years and would NEVER do such a thing.
[/quote]  Not sure I undertstand.  Deal with what?  Did he have an attitude?

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094642" timestamp="1319638153"]
My son played in Junior this year and I thought it was going to be another fun year. Let me start by saying he was the qb of a PeeWee team that won the Super Bowl and played qb and rb as a 9yr old last and helped a team that didn't win a game the year before make the playoffs. This year, as a 10, we expected big things from him and the team. We found out early on that the "coach" didn't want him to play qb and that he would get touches at rb. I thought that was strange, but didn't say anything. We started off the season with a record of 3-1 and my son scored 10 out of 15 tds with limited touches on offense. We then played a powerhouse team and lost by 40+ points. The "coach" got mad because he said my son quit on his team. Instead of "coaching" him and making him a better player, he decided my son wasn't going to play offense anymore. Any one else see a problem with this? It gets better. My son wasn't allowed to play offense the final 4 games of the season UNTIL the final game when we were losing by 6 with just over a minute to play. They called him in to play qb and I told the "coach" that my son didn't play offense. Was I wrong? Well the final straw was when I found out that he didn't make the allstar team because we only had a couple of chances. I know he's my kid and I might be a bit biased, but he was far and away the best player on our team and I feel like instead of coaching my boy the "coaches" decided that they would rather just not deal with him because of his attitude. I thought that as a coach you were supposed to help mold young boys into not only athletes, but better people. If you think I am just whining, maybe you're right, but if it happened to your child, you would feel the same way.
[/quote]

That's a crappy situation to be in.  When the coach was gonna put your kid in at QB, and you informed the coach he didn't play offense, did you allow your son to play QB or did he not go in?

Did your son really have an attitude, or did the coaches have a misperception of him?

My son's 1st year in Pee Wee, he was the best O-Lineman...not just my opinion, but the Line Coach and Head Coach's opinion as well.  He wasn't picked on All Stars because the Head Coach said his policy was to put only 2nd year guys on All Stars since they would be moving up next year.

Sometimes you have to say, "There's always next year."  The coach has the final say, and that's just how it works...right or wrong.

[ndndad]

He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.

[westend1]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094692" timestamp="1319642535"]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]  Hmmm....  You want an honest opinion?

[ndndad]

Everyone is entitled to there opinion...

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094692" timestamp="1319642535"]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.

[westend1]

[quote name="SmashMouth" post="1094707" timestamp="1319643050"]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094692#msg1094692 date=1319642535]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.
[/quote]  Couldn't have said it better.  Good luck to you and your kid, but holding him out because you were upset is not the proper way to handle things like this.  Your son is acting like his favorite role model...YOU.

[football04]

Not knowing both sides of the story makes this a tricky subject, that said, I know telling a coach during a game what your son does or does not do is not the right move. Attitudes can also be tricky to deal with and each coach will have a different approach, I can't understand why if there was a bad attitude from your son why he was allowed to play defense and sit out on offense, this seems like it would add to the attitude, also if your son scored 10 of the 15 TD's early in a limited role I can't understand why that role wasn't bigger to begin with. The best thing to do in youth football as a parent is to support your son by encouragement and never be negative no matter the situation,  always tell him to do his best no matter where the coach has him playing and always give 100% on the field, the best mentoring starts at home with a positive attitude. Tell your son that although he didn't make the allstar team, that is something he can't control and all he can do is his best, if your proud of him let him know it and don't focus on the negative, I know its easier said than done.

[thetragichippy]

[quote name="westend1" post="1094710" timestamp="1319643221"]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094707#msg1094707 date=1319643050]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094692#msg1094692 date=1319642535]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.
[/quote]  Couldn't have said it better.  Good luck to you and your kid, but holding him out because you were upset is not the proper way to handle things like this.  Your son is acting like his favorite role model...YOU.
[/quote]

Agreed........

and him not being picked for allstars?  If you are talking about the Pro-Bowl, my understanding is it is not happening.....

[ndndad]

Thanks for the honest opinions. I didn't hold him out because I was angry, I held him out because they didn't need him until we were behind and wanted him to bail them out. I agree with the assessment of his attitude, but I don't have that issue with him at home. I am not able to be there with him at practices, so not sure what happens there. I have coached kids with agressive behavior before and would like to think that I did everything I could to help them. I would never try to sweep it under the rug. The defensive coach did a great job and got the most out of him, so why couldn't the offensive coach? That's my point and I will leave it at that.

[football04]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094729" timestamp="1319643851"]
Thanks for the honest opinions. I didn't hold him out because I was angry, I held him out because they didn't need him until we were behind and wanted him to bail them out. I agree with the assessment of his attitude, but I don't have that issue with him at home. I am not able to be there with him at practices, so not sure what happens there. I have coached kids with agressive behavior before and would like to think that I did everything I could to help them. I would never try to sweep it under the rug. The defensive coach did a great job and got the most out of him, so why couldn't the offensive coach? That's my point and I will leave it at that.
[/quote]
you should have let your son bail them out, its a team sport and he is on the team, don't teach him to do things out of spite.

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094729" timestamp="1319643851"]
Thanks for the honest opinions. I didn't hold him out because I was angry, I held him out because they didn't need him until we were behind and wanted him to bail them out. I agree with the assessment of his attitude, but I don't have that issue with him at home. I am not able to be there with him at practices, so not sure what happens there. I have coached kids with agressive behavior before and would like to think that I did everything I could to help them. I would never try to sweep it under the rug. The defensive coach did a great job and got the most out of him, so why couldn't the offensive coach? That's my point and I will leave it at that.
[/quote]

At least you are honest.  That is admirable.  I will caution one thing...Football is a TEAM sport.  Your son was not bailing "them" out (if bailing out is even the correct term to use)...he was stepping up for the TEAM (himself included).  In your defense, all coaches are not good mentors.  All coaches are not good problen-solvers.  All coaches are not all Good coaches.  Do the best with what you are given...it's all you can do.  Try to be a good role model for your son and sometimes that's all YOU can do.  Once again, good luck to you both.

[westend1]

[quote name="football04" post="1094737" timestamp="1319644262"]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094729#msg1094729 date=1319643851]
Thanks for the honest opinions. I didn't hold him out because I was angry, I held him out because they didn't need him until we were behind and wanted him to bail them out. I agree with the assessment of his attitude, but I don't have that issue with him at home. I am not able to be there with him at practices, so not sure what happens there. I have coached kids with agressive behavior before and would like to think that I did everything I could to help them. I would never try to sweep it under the rug. The defensive coach did a great job and got the most out of him, so why couldn't the offensive coach? That's my point and I will leave it at that.
[/quote]
you should have let your son bail them out, its a team sport and he is on the team, don't teach him to do things out of spite.
[/quote]  Again, agreed.  Why not let him be the "hero" and bail them out?  Who got hurt by your decision?  The youth coaches?  Not hardly. 

[demons95]

[quote name="thetragichippy" post="1094721" timestamp="1319643551"]
[quote author=westend1 link=topic=90456.msg1094710#msg1094710 date=1319643221]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094707#msg1094707 date=1319643050]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094692#msg1094692 date=1319642535]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.
[/quote]  Couldn't have said it better.  Good luck to you and your kid, but holding him out because you were upset is not the proper way to handle things like this.  Your son is acting like his favorite role model...YOU.
[/quote]

Agreed........

and him not being picked for allstars?  If you are talking about the Pro-Bowl, my understanding is it is not happening.....
[/quote][quote author=thetragichippy link=topic=90456.msg1094721#msg1094721 date=1319643551]
[quote author=westend1 link=topic=90456.msg1094710#msg1094710 date=1319643221]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094707#msg1094707 date=1319643050]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094692#msg1094692 date=1319642535]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.
[/quote]  Couldn't have said it better.  Good luck to you and your kid, but holding him out because you were upset is not the proper way to handle things like this.  Your son is acting like his favorite role model...YOU.
[/quote]

Agreed........

and him not being picked for allstars?  If you are talking about the Pro-Bowl, my understanding is it is not happening.....

[/quote] Tragic I heard they are doing it.  Lumberton is the host I thought

[football04]

WOW, this is a hot topic, nothing gets the masses typing faster than a complaint about youth coaches

[thetragichippy]

[quote name="demons95" post="1094744" timestamp="1319644558"]
[quote author=thetragichippy link=topic=90456.msg1094721#msg1094721 date=1319643551]
[quote author=westend1 link=topic=90456.msg1094710#msg1094710 date=1319643221]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094707#msg1094707 date=1319643050]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094692#msg1094692 date=1319642535]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.
[/quote]  Couldn't have said it better.  Good luck to you and your kid, but holding him out because you were upset is not the proper way to handle things like this.  Your son is acting like his favorite role model...YOU.
[/quote]

Agreed........

and him not being picked for allstars?  If you are talking about the Pro-Bowl, my understanding is it is not happening.....
[/quote][quote author=thetragichippy link=topic=90456.msg1094721#msg1094721 date=1319643551]
[quote author=westend1 link=topic=90456.msg1094710#msg1094710 date=1319643221]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094707#msg1094707 date=1319643050]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094692#msg1094692 date=1319642535]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

ndndad, with the limited knowledge that I have of the situation, I will make the following comment.

The attitude problem is mainly YOUR responsibility more than the coaches.  They get to coach him a few afternoons a week and at game time along with 25 or so other kids.  Your are his Dad, and you should have a hand in this too!

Additionally, if you did not allow him to play QB when the coach wanted to send him in...let's just say that situation speaks for itself.

I would bench a starter in a heartbeat if he could not come to the field with a good attitude and TEAM focus.

I hope he has a great playoffs and a bright future.
[/quote]  Couldn't have said it better.  Good luck to you and your kid, but holding him out because you were upset is not the proper way to handle things like this.  Your son is acting like his favorite role model...YOU.
[/quote]

Agreed........

and him not being picked for allstars?  If you are talking about the Pro-Bowl, my understanding is it is not happening.....

[/quote] Tragic I heard they are doing it.  Lumberton is the host I thought
[/quote]

I was told it was voted down.....only a few cities (Lumberton being one) that was for it......

I will double check with my "source".....