How can you turn you're back on one of your kids?

[ispeakjive]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094692" timestamp="1319642535"]
He's a very aggresive kid who hates to lose. He does have an attitude, but lots of kids do in every sport. I expected his coaches to maybe sit him or work with him, but that didn't happen. He's not perfect, but to just ignore the problem isn't acceptable to me. He needed a positive role model to work him thru it and didn't get that.
[/quote]

If your kid has attitude problems, you need to be the role model and take care of it.  Period.  It's great that he hates to lose, but if he is becoming a cancer and you aren't doing anything to remedy it, then I would tend to side with the coach.  The coach may have faults in other areas, but the attitude problem is yours to work with and fix.

[ndndad]

I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="football04" post="1094748" timestamp="1319644860"]
WOW, this is a hot topic, nothing gets the masses typing faster than a complaint about youth coaches
[/quote]

For me it is not in defense of a youth coach...like I stated in my previous post, there are good and bad ones.  I hoped to share my opinion about a situation that could possibly help a young athlete better himself.  I know that sounds corny, but it's true.  Athletics (especially football in my opinion) is a great way to teach life lessons and build character.  I want it to stay that way.

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094753" timestamp="1319645136"]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

GOOD CALL!

[thetragichippy]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094753" timestamp="1319645136"]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

Thats a GREAT attitude......

I am usually against coach bashing(unless its icewater  ;D ), but you handled this very well and appeared to be very honest in your description of the situation.........

[ispeakjive]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094753" timestamp="1319645136"]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.

[lu cards]

and people wonder why no one wants to coach anymore.i personally would have gone to the coach during the season and dealt with it.these arent paid coaches and i guarantee you they did the best they could.

[westend1]

[quote name="ndndad" post="1094753" timestamp="1319645136"]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

+1

[lu cards]

[quote name="ispeakjive" post="1094759" timestamp="1319645319"]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094753#msg1094753 date=1319645136]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.
[/quote]its great you want to make this situation a positive but its sucks for the coaches of that team that are having there judgement questioned on a public message board.

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="lu cards" post="1094776" timestamp="1319646560"]
[quote author=ispeakjive link=topic=90456.msg1094759#msg1094759 date=1319645319]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094753#msg1094753 date=1319645136]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.
[/quote]its great you want to make this situation a positive but its sucks for the coaches of that team that are having there judgement questioned on a public message board.
[/quote]

No harm done with ndndad's post, I think.  From a previous coach's perspective and from a parent's perspective, it's awesome!  Enlightenment!!!

[thetragichippy]

[quote name="SmashMouth" post="1094778" timestamp="1319646816"]
[quote author=lu cards link=topic=90456.msg1094776#msg1094776 date=1319646560]
[quote author=ispeakjive link=topic=90456.msg1094759#msg1094759 date=1319645319]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094753#msg1094753 date=1319645136]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.
[/quote]its great you want to make this situation a positive but its sucks for the coaches of that team that are having there judgement questioned on a public message board.
[/quote]

No harm done with ndndad's post, I think.  From a previous coach's perspective and from a parent's perspective, it's awesome!  Enlightenment!!!
[/quote]

I agree.....as a coach you should be able to take other peoples perspectives......good and bad....

It will make you grow

[lu cards]

[quote name="thetragichippy" post="1094806" timestamp="1319647936"]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094778#msg1094778 date=1319646816]
[quote author=lu cards link=topic=90456.msg1094776#msg1094776 date=1319646560]
[quote author=ispeakjive link=topic=90456.msg1094759#msg1094759 date=1319645319]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094753#msg1094753 date=1319645136]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.
[/quote]its great you want to make this situation a positive but its sucks for the coaches of that team that are having there judgement questioned on a public message board.
[/quote]

No harm done with ndndad's post, I think.  From a previous coach's perspective and from a parent's perspective, it's awesome!  Enlightenment!!!
[/quote]

I agree.....as a coach you should be able to take other peoples perspectives......good and bad....

It will make you grow
[/quote]i agree 100% that a coach should take other perspectives but not on a messageboard where you get one side of the story.if i were coaching i would hope the parent would pull me aside and we handle with a simple conversation.to each his own.

[thetragichippy]

[quote name="lu cards" post="1094819" timestamp="1319648790"]
[quote author=thetragichippy link=topic=90456.msg1094806#msg1094806 date=1319647936]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094778#msg1094778 date=1319646816]
[quote author=lu cards link=topic=90456.msg1094776#msg1094776 date=1319646560]
[quote author=ispeakjive link=topic=90456.msg1094759#msg1094759 date=1319645319]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094753#msg1094753 date=1319645136]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.
[/quote]its great you want to make this situation a positive but its sucks for the coaches of that team that are having there judgement questioned on a public message board.
[/quote]

No harm done with ndndad's post, I think.  From a previous coach's perspective and from a parent's perspective, it's awesome!  Enlightenment!!!
[/quote]

I agree.....as a coach you should be able to take other peoples perspectives......good and bad....

It will make you grow
[/quote]i agree 100% that a coach should take other perspectives but not on a messageboard where you get one side of the story.if i were coaching i would hope the parent would pull me aside and we handle with a simple conversation.to each his own.
[/quote]

I agree with you, this probably was not the "best" place. With that said, he seemed to tell the entire story, and accepted some of the responsibility.  Based on what I read, he seemed more at fault (at least with the way he handled it) and he accepted the feedback.  When a parent gets on here, it normally goes down hill quickly.....so, I respect him for listening and taking the advice.......

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="thetragichippy" post="1094823" timestamp="1319649192"]
[quote author=lu cards link=topic=90456.msg1094819#msg1094819 date=1319648790]
[quote author=thetragichippy link=topic=90456.msg1094806#msg1094806 date=1319647936]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1094778#msg1094778 date=1319646816]
[quote author=lu cards link=topic=90456.msg1094776#msg1094776 date=1319646560]
[quote author=ispeakjive link=topic=90456.msg1094759#msg1094759 date=1319645319]
[quote author=ndndad link=topic=90456.msg1094753#msg1094753 date=1319645136]
I knew that when I started it, but also knew that I would get some honest feedback. All opinions were appreciated and I am going to use them to turn this situation into a positive one.
[/quote]

If you and your son can use this situation that way and he learns to harness his aggression and competitiveness, then this can be a great teachable moment.  I'll give you this, you are pretty brave for putting this out for everyone to see and comment on.  It sounds like your son is very talented.  I hope this is just a bump in the road for him.
[/quote]its great you want to make this situation a positive but its sucks for the coaches of that team that are having there judgement questioned on a public message board.
[/quote]

No harm done with ndndad's post, I think.  From a previous coach's perspective and from a parent's perspective, it's awesome!  Enlightenment!!!
[/quote]

I agree.....as a coach you should be able to take other peoples perspectives......good and bad....

It will make you grow
[/quote]i agree 100% that a coach should take other perspectives but not on a messageboard where you get one side of the story.if i were coaching i would hope the parent would pull me aside and we handle with a simple conversation.to each his own.
[/quote]

I agree with you, this probably was not the "best" place. With that said, he seemed to tell the entire story, and accepted some of the responsibility.  Based on what I read, he seemed more at fault (at least with the way he handled it) and he accepted the feedback.  When a parent gets on here, it normally goes down hill quickly.....so, I respect him for listening and taking the advice.......
[/quote]

My sentiments too...

[demons95]

What's all this mushy stuff smash?  ;D Are you trying to tell me you actually have feelings?  You dirty dawg I knew you had it in you.

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="demons95" post="1095077" timestamp="1319659442"]
What's all this mushy stuff smash?  ;D Are you trying to tell me you actually have feelings?  You dirty dawg I knew you had it in you.
[/quote]

It's just that...well...the STJFL playoffs make me emotional... :'(...[color=red]AND FIRED UP![/color] 8) >:( 8)

[queenb77630]

[quote name="SmashMouth" post="1095081" timestamp="1319659616"]
[quote author=demons95 link=topic=90456.msg1095077#msg1095077 date=1319659442]
What's all this mushy stuff smash?  ;D Are you trying to tell me you actually have feelings?  You dirty dawg I knew you had it in you.
[/quote]

It's just that...well...the STJFL playoffs make me emotional... :'(...[color=red]AND FIRED UP![/color] 8) >:( 8)
[/quote]

oh my, that one actually made me laugh out loud.  You guys crack me up with all the trash talk.  To think, men say women are bad about the "cat fights".  ;D ;D ;D  I'm gonna miss you guys, I really am. :-\

[SmashMouth]

[quote name="queenb77630" post="1095112" timestamp="1319660929"]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1095081#msg1095081 date=1319659616]
[quote author=demons95 link=topic=90456.msg1095077#msg1095077 date=1319659442]
What's all this mushy stuff smash?  ;D Are you trying to tell me you actually have feelings?  You dirty dawg I knew you had it in you.
[/quote]

It's just that...well...the STJFL playoffs make me emotional... :'(...[color=red]AND FIRED UP![/color] 8) >:( 8)
[/quote]

oh my, that one actually made me laugh out loud.  You guys crack me up with all the trash talk.  To think, men say women are bad about the "cat fights".  ;D ;D ;D  I'm gonna miss you guys, I really am. :-\
[/quote]

Thanks queen, but it's not trash talk...it's how we really feel.  Pity our wives...

[queenb77630]

[quote name="SmashMouth" post="1095115" timestamp="1319661056"]
[quote author=queenb77630 link=topic=90456.msg1095112#msg1095112 date=1319660929]
[quote author=SmashMouth link=topic=90456.msg1095081#msg1095081 date=1319659616]
[quote author=demons95 link=topic=90456.msg1095077#msg1095077 date=1319659442]
What's all this mushy stuff smash?  ;D Are you trying to tell me you actually have feelings?  You dirty dawg I knew you had it in you.
[/quote]

It's just that...well...the STJFL playoffs make me emotional... :'(...[color=red]AND FIRED UP![/color] 8) >:( 8)
[/quote]

oh my, that one actually made me laugh out loud.  You guys crack me up with all the trash talk.  To think, men say women are bad about the "cat fights".  ;D ;D ;D  I'm gonna miss you guys, I really am. :-\
[/quote]

Thanks queen, but it's not trash talk...it's how we really feel.  Pity our wives...
[/quote]
it's okay; I get just as fired up about football as you guys do.  I just don't understand all the stats and stuff like that so I keep my mouth shut about that when you all start talking about it  :-X.  I do get into the game though. 

[LilBobcatMom]

The following post is not directed at any particular sport or organization:

As a parent who's experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly of youth sports (as a player and parent), I have some advice.  You need to look at the big picture.  What are your goals for your son's participation in youth sports?  For my kids, I want them to learn the sport, learn sportsmanship, learn teamwork, have fun, and get ready for school ball.  I tell my kids that they are to do their best no matter what position they are assigned.  They don't have a dad that coaches, so they get put wherever they are put.  Sometimes, they love their coaches, sometimes not...but they are always respectful, same as they would be to a teacher.  It is disheartening to see them passed over for all-stars when you know that they deserve it talent-wise.  However, they're going to be adults with jobs one day.  They're going to have bosses they don't like and coworkers who get ahead through politics.  All of these different experiences help prepare them for life.

You're going to experience varying degrees of politics in different towns and organizations. You can't let it drive you crazy or piss you off.  You can borrow my mantra, if you want.  Just one more year and then it's school ball!!

[westend1]

[quote name="LilBobcatMom" post="1095226" timestamp="1319666251"]
The following post is not directed at any particular sport or organization:

As a parent who's experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly of youth sports (as a player and parent), I have some advice.  You need to look at the big picture.  What are your goals for your son's participation in youth sports?  For my kids, I want them to learn the sport, learn sportsmanship, learn teamwork, have fun, and get ready for school ball.  I tell my kids that they are to do their best no matter what position they are assigned.  They don't have a dad that coaches, so they get put wherever they are put.  Sometimes, they love their coaches, sometimes not...but they are always respectful, same as they would be to a teacher.  It is disheartening to see them passed over for all-stars when you know that they deserve it talent-wise.  However, they're going to be adults with jobs one day.  They're going to have bosses they don't like and coworkers who get ahead through politics.  All of these different experiences help prepare them for life.

You're going to experience varying degrees of politics in different towns and organizations. You can't let it drive you crazy or piss you off.  You can borrow my mantra, if you want.  [b] Just one more year and then it's school ball!![/b]
[/quote]  Hate to break it to you, but it's really not much different.

[Raider24]

[quote name="westend1" post="1095270" timestamp="1319668976"]
[quote author=LilBobcatMom link=topic=90456.msg1095226#msg1095226 date=1319666251]
The following post is not directed at any particular sport or organization:

As a parent who's experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly of youth sports (as a player and parent), I have some advice.  You need to look at the big picture.  What are your goals for your son's participation in youth sports?  For my kids, I want them to learn the sport, learn sportsmanship, learn teamwork, have fun, and get ready for school ball.  I tell my kids that they are to do their best no matter what position they are assigned.  They don't have a dad that coaches, so they get put wherever they are put.  Sometimes, they love their coaches, sometimes not...but they are always respectful, same as they would be to a teacher.  It is disheartening to see them passed over for all-stars when you know that they deserve it talent-wise.  However, they're going to be adults with jobs one day.  They're going to have bosses they don't like and coworkers who get ahead through politics.  All of these different experiences help prepare them for life.

You're going to experience varying degrees of politics in different towns and organizations. You can't let it drive you crazy or piss you off.  You can borrow my mantra, if you want.  [b] Just one more year and then it's school ball!![/b]
[/quote]  Hate to break it to you, but it's really not much different.
[/quote]
That ain't no lie!

[mg~10]

Hmmm... not sure why "coach" is in quotes here, as the "coaches" of this team put in many hours of hard work to build up these young players, improve character, and teach skills.

The child in question is a great ball player (although the 10 TD figure isn't accurate lol).  Unfortunately he also has a habit of calling his teammates names (like "f@ggot"... had to be corrected for that one more than once) and telling teammates--while on the field in the middle of a game--"We're not gonna win."  His poor attitude had a detrimental effect on the team dynamic, which in turn used up valuable coaching time on more than one occasion.

Unfortunately, with only 3 all-star picks up for grabs, things like attendance, attitude, and being a team player become extremely important.  It would be wrong for a coach--or parent for that matter--to reward such behavior, especially when there are many great athletes with GOOD attitudes that deserve to make the all-star team.

[LHSALLZONE]

how can you turn your back on one of your kids ?  you cant!  how do you look at posts like this, with  an answer that reflects the other side of the story also.
as a coach in several youth sports ,at several different levels i can truely say similar situations like this happen at a regular bases. trying to coach a football team
with 20 -25 players, 3 times a week, 2 hrs per practice  , you will have issues.  while cruising home on monday tues ,thurs, leaving home before eating, stopping
off to get fresh ice and water, preparring the field for practice is a start. answering 3 r 4 calls from parents and coaches about whatever, getting text about who is
mad,whos going to be late ,whos sick, whos adhd meds were changed, the list goes on. this is just the tip  of the iceberg. so one might say, if its an issue just dont coach, no you deal with the issues the best you can , and you might please a majority of parents but never all of them. coaching a young man with an attitude
problem like another stated, is tuff. the team concept  must take precedent over any individual. coaches do teach  TEAM work, its a must, responsability, control,
self worth, ect. dad, coaches have children about 6 hrs of practice and about 2-3 hrs on game day, thats it.  that leaves  you and your school system 160 hrs a week
to help your child with his attitude. as a coach ,if a child with a bad attitude reflects on my team  in a neg. way, after that child has been attended to about the same
problem previously, you probably would not like me after the years end, because 24 players are more deserving of my attention than a young man that will not take
take to heart our earlier talks, lessons given, ect. i will always try for a young man, always teach, always strive, even get my son to invite him to stay the night and come over and play, trying to get into his thinking , trying to solve the issue, but look at the time, volunteered time a coach has, looks like to me dad and mom need to step up and draw the lines, even taking sports away if disrespect,rudeness,not obeying parents ,making neg. comments,ect, at home r at school persists.  the time factor is a big issue, 8 hrs to 160 hrs, you decide :-\

[pngfan97]

I think there are many lessons to be learned here.  First, you have you have to look at the situation from both sides.  If mg's post is correct, then ndndad should have had plenty of opportunities to talk to the coaching staff about the attitude issues and address them with his son before airing the dirty laundry on a message board. 

For the sake of argument (which in this case I don't see it)  if the coaching staff actually singled out the player for some reason and unfairly took him off of the offense, then the lesson there is that life is not fair.  Too many times in all sports we as parents and our kids as players have to deal with the politics of the leagues we pay to join.  It's a fact of life.  All we can do is try to handle those situations with grace and dignity so we can be the absolute best examples for our children. 

ndndad,  I'm not saying you are wrong in this situation, because I'm not a part of this situation, but it does seem pretty clear to me that more communication between you and the coaches and between you and your son could have made this situation alot better alot sooner.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank the coaching staff of PeeWee PNG G and all the other coaches out there that take the time to make all the boys playing in STJFL better football players and better young men.  As the father of a 1st year 8yr old I've been very impressed with the way they have balanced the time it takes to teach a player the basics while also coaching up kids that have been playing for years.  They have done a tremendous job with our group of boys and win or lose my son and I have been blessed to be a part of this team.